


A Shadow of the Light

by GeminiRoseHearts



Category: Dragon Quest Series, Dragon Quest XI
Genre: AU where jasper gets enough validation to say no to mordegan, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, because im stupid and gay, ill tag more characters as they appear, jasper: "i believe in the luminary", this is self indulgent dont @ me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26573635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeminiRoseHearts/pseuds/GeminiRoseHearts
Summary: Jasper is not the kind of man to make wild accusations without carefully considering the probability and consequences. That being said, something weighs upon his mind very heavily, taking up space in his head like a fat noble hogging three chairs worth of space at a banquet table.The man who sits upon the throne in Heliodor is not King Carnelian.And he intends to prove it.(AU where Jasper decides to not take Mordegon's offer for power, and his journey to both find the Luminary and probably also help save the worldA.K.A. I'm absorbing Jasper into the Luminary family unit wether he likes it or not)
Comments: 87
Kudos: 81





	1. Jasper Believes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back on their bullshit!!! It's me, and I have a new hyperfixation. Dragon Quest 11 really came out of the wood work and snatched my wig clean off so now I'm writing a Good Jasper AU because I'm stupid and I want him as an angry gremlin dad uncle to Eleven.
> 
> Also uuuhh, this isn't Hendrik/Jasper yet but it might be later?? Just thought I'd let ya'll know. He doesn't show up till later too but I'l be calling the protag Eleven or El. 
> 
> \- Psii

To say Jasper is a skeptical man is like saying the ocean is vast. There are clouds in the sky, grass grows in dirt. All of these statements are true, and so is the one claiming he is a man that never leaps to conclusions when presented a thought. Leaping too far would be overstepping, overreaching, and in combat, that can mean death. No, Jasper is not the kind of man to make wild accusations without carefully considering the probability and consequences. That being said, something weighs upon his mind very heavily, taking up space in his head like a fat noble hogging three chairs worth of space at a banquet table. 

The man who sits upon the throne in Heliodor is not King Carnelian.

He might as well be jailed right now for even thinking such a thing. _How ridiculous_ , one might say. _What could possibly make you believe such a thing?_ True to his nature, although his evidence is scant, he has several reasons to believe his claim, though one does stand at the top of the metaphorical list in his head. That being the claims of a 'Darkspawn'.

How could a man, who Jasper KNEW believed in the Luminary more than anyone in all of Erdrea, turn so readily on the symbol of hope he spent so much of his time advocating? When Erdwin's Lanturn began to take on an ominous glow, high up in the sky, Carnelian had poured himself into learning everything there was to about Erdwin. About his journey. About the evil they defeated. About the powers of the Luminary. And when the new prince of Dundrasil was born, and word reached the castle that he was born with the mark of Yggdrasil's chosen on his hand, the king was even more hopeful. He had woken Hendrik and Jasper that night, showed them the glowing beam of light shooting up from Yggdrasil's branches, and told them something he'd never forget.

_'It seems that something dark stirs on the horizon. No matter what comes to pass, remember that you are both knights of Heliodor, and I ask as your king, that you follow what you believe is right. You have good hearts, and I trust that you will both become the heroes worthy of the people's praise.'_

It wasn't like Carnelian to be sentimental. And Jasper wasn't surprised to see Hendrik lap it all up like an over eager dog. He himself had just accepted it with a nod and smirk, but even he can't deny carrying the words close. Which was why, when he arrived with Hendrik to find Dundrasil in ruins, the royal family broken and perished, and Carnelian roaring with accusations of the alleged Luminary being some kind of Darkspawn, Jasper was more level headed than he had any right to be. Certainly, Hendrik was in all sorts, he had been close to Princess Jade, and to hear that she was probably dead along with the shock of what had happened to one of Erdrea's remaining kingdoms was rocking him to his core. And yet, Jasper stood, watching Carnelian direct soliders to hunt down the missing queen with sharp eyes, and he met Carnelian's gaze when he looked at him. In his core, as if looking down into an abyss where no light penetrated, he decided than that the Carnelian he knew was not the one ordering him to scour the surrounding lands for the Luminary, and kill him.

Even deeper still, he knew that the great abyss in which he stares also gazes back.

¤¤¤

It continued to bother him. Certainly, if he had less reason to believe the king of Heliodor wasn't who he said he was, the lingering doubt would've been waved away like a lingering bad smell. But instead, the foul thing began attracting flies. 

"Where is his Majesty?" Hendrik looked up at him in surprise. To his credit, he didn't jump, since Jasper had so kindly snuck up on him while he was polishing swords in the armory.

"Ah, Jasper. I do wish you would not sneak up on me when I am cleaning weapons."

"Yes, I am very grateful that you did not see fit to slice me in half. But that doesn't answer my question. Have you seen his Majesty?" Hendrik frowned. The crease between his eyebrows was growing sterner by the day, as did Jasper's growing desire to reach over and rub it back to being smooth. 

"I have not. But...surely you know the reason for his absence?" 

"I do, yes."

"Then, why did you ask?" He had a response prepared for this, excuting it as flawlessly natural as he possibly could. He scoffed a little, and waved his hand dismissively.

"I have a report on last week's border skirmish. He asked that I bring it to him as soon as I received it, but I suppose I can wait until tonight to present it." Hendrik nodded solemnly at that. 

"Yes, that would be best. This day must be hard, especially with the loss of Princess Jade so fresh..." Jasper hummed, but just waved a goodbye to him and walked away. In truth, while there was a report, that is not why he'd asked.

Today was the anniversary of King Carnelian's wife's death. He marked it on no calendar, made no note of it anywhere, just finished most of the more important of his royal duties in the morning and spent the afternoon wandering the edge of town where a field of wildflowers grew. He would return to the castle, looking melancholy and sometimes puffy eyed, and Jasper would stroll by the queen's gravestone delicately cared for in a secluded part of the castle grounds, and see a fresh bundle of flowers. It was such a reguar sight, that he'd started to pay no mind to it. At least, until he happened to pass by the throne room in the afternoon, only to see Carnelian settled inside looking over reports. It had been such an oddity, he had to prevent himself from stopping to look, to not draw attention. Out of instinct, he went to look at the queen's headstone, and felt something sink in him when there was no sign of any flowers. 

Perhaps he could chalk it up to him being too preoccupied with the rising reports of monster attacks and the lingering grief of losing his daughter just five months ago. Perhaps he could convince himself that there is still time left in the day, and that he'll walk by the headstone later and see delicate blossoms arranged by a careful hand later that evening. Perhaps he could be as blind as Hendrik, and fail to even notice that Carnelian has not stepped foot outside of his throne room all day. 

But no. He wasn't blind, he wasn't stupid, and he certainly wasn't Hendrik, so lost in his own grief as to utterly fail and see the change in the king they serve. That growing doubt, darkening into suspicion, clawed restlessly in his chest when he entered the throne room, and presented the border skirmish report, and the king took it with no hint of sadness over the day's date weighing on his shoulders. Turning rancid and sour, like spoiled meat, he mulled over it in the early hours of that night, as Hendrik snored in his bed next to him. If only he could be that carefree. 

_If only I could be..._

¤¤¤

Bitterness of another kind grows. It taints the back of his tongue, tasting like he'd just swallowed poison, making his teeth clench and hands tighten into fists whenever Hendrik tells him he's being sent away on another mission. Another quest, another job, another town that needs saving by the region's adored Hero of Heliodor. Jasper had always thought they were meant for this path together, as equals and friends, meant to be shining lights fighting the darkness that lingers in the shadows.

Maybe he was only the shadow of the light all along.

"Jasper?" There he is, standing in the doorway of their shared room, looking lost and disheveled. Didn't he have anything better to do than to regale his grand tales of heroism? He didn't put his book down, but he grunted to acknowledge Hendrik's presence. It seems like he took that as a invitation, because he plodded in and sat heavily on a chair off to the side of Jasper's desk. He started taking off his mud stained boots, to which he wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Must you do that while I am trying to read?"

"My apologies. The reconnaissance mission to Zwaardrust went rather poorly." Straight to the point with him. Jasper was about ready to tune him out, when the mention of Hendrik's former home region perked his interest, and he raised his eyes from his book to frown at him.

"Zwaardrust? I did not know you were to sent there." Not noticing his sudden interest in favor of carefully removing his mud crusted heavy boots, Hendrik only nodded.

"Indeed, I did not know either. I only found out the morning of. Of course, I had no intention of denying an order from his Majesty, but I will admit it gave me some pause." Jasper didn't respond. Slipping on a pair of slippers, no doubt with the intention of heading straight for the baths, he continued in his silence, this time looking at him.

"I will be perfectly honest. My performance was abysmal. The goal of the mission was to evaluate the increasing number of monsters in the region, as well as attempt to solve some sort of spell that had been plaguing passing travelers. The excess of monsters was easily dealt with, but the curse, as well as the monster it stemmed from...those were not resolved as smoothly." Jasper met his gaze. The burning in his chest that had started ever since Hendrik was chosen over him yet again lessened some, and he fully took in his fellow knight's appearance. His armor had been taken off, likely left in the armory to receive maintenance, and his tunic was stained with muck and grime. There were bandages on his hands, and a healing cut above his left eyebrow, dried blood and dirt in his hair. Certainly, he's returned from longer missions with more injury and more stains before, but it was his expression that really drew his interest. 

"I was unable to undo the spell infecting a passing merchant. The monster that cursed him, some kind of ghostly warrior, chased me when I intervened. I was forced to retreat back towards the ruins of Dundrasil, where I barely escaped with my life." He looked utterly defeated. Grief and despair cast a shadow over his stoney features, his eyes glassy and dark. It was a face not unlike the one of a much younger Hendrik, trembling in his sheets, cringing at the booming thunder outside that sounded like the roars of monsters tearing apart his family. "Thank Yggdrasil that my men had all survived the ordeal. They fell back to the Warrior's Inn with the merchant in tow. When I'd finally managed to navigate my way back in the dead of night, they told me the merchant had passed. He had wasted away, the spell sapping his life force...no doubt to feed the infernal monster that cursed him. It had disappeared after I'd escaped from it, and no attempts to locate it were successful. There was nothing else to be done, so we returned home."

"...I see." The hot feeling in his chest turned cold and twisted, liking a knot strangling his lungs. He had long since abandoned any sympathy or warmth towards Hendrik, not after the later had seemingly made it abundantly clear Jasper was nothing more than his shadow. But here he was, feeling something rise in his chest, tightening in his throat when Hendrik let out a choked noise that couldve been a sob or a growl, and ran a hand over his face, hunching forward in his chair like a wounded animal.

"The king should have sent you," he said, voice low and frustrated. Jasper felt like he'd just been thrown, almost disoriented by the words. It was all he could do to let out a quiet, "...What?" Hendrik continued, still not looking at him.

"You would've known how to break that curse, or least what it was. You would've been able to identify which creature it stemmed from, instead of finding out accidentally by flailing about aimlessly killing monsters. You would've been prepared, and wouldn't have been chased all the way to a goddamn cliff, forced to pick between jumping off or dying by the hands of a monster, only to come back and see your carelessness cost an innocent man his life." There was no bite, his voice thick with emotion, and pure sincerity. Each sentence felt like a punch to the gut, each phrase ripping Jasper's breath away as it poured from his lips. He had long since dropped whatever he was holding, but could only grip the fabric of his pants, wrinkling the fine material, unable to reach out. Though he very much wanted to.

"I don't understand why his Majesty sent me when this mission clearly called for you. I don't-" Hendrik's voice cracked. He took in a deep breath, and straightened up, head pointed to the ceiling. Jasper knew that look. So he need not see to know the tears that gather in his eyes. "I don't understand why he has seemingly forgotten that you and I are a pair."

The knot pulled tight, and tore. The raging burn in his chest, wretched and angry, seized his heart and wailed with a new feeling. It hurt, stung his insides, but the wave of emotion that followed soothed it somewhat, like cold water tempering molten iron. A gentle rain following a drought, seeping into the cracks scarring his soul, inspiring the forgotten seeds of a youth spent training and laughing together to blossom forth.

_'...you are both knights of Heliodor.'_

He releases the material of his pant leg, and barely touches Hendrik's knee. He feels it twitch, feels the acknowledgment, and vaguely wonders when the last time he touched Hendrik like this. He listens, and hears the sound of his quiet tears, and decides that it does not matter. Tomorrow, Hendrik will be the Hero of Heliodor, stoic and strong and immovable. Tomorrow, Carnelian will praise him, will find new jobs to send him on, new ways to forgo Jasper in favor of the people's favorite champion. Tomorrow, he might feel the burning in his chest again, and wonder what kind of light Hendrik shines with that he does not have. Tonight, though, he knows the truth. He sees Hendrik dulled and dark, and when his tears finally stop, he looks at Jasper like he is his light. He remembers, commiting it to memory, and the twin lockets resting against their chests define them as one. And so Jasper makes a promise.

That no matter what, he _will_ prove Carnelian is not the same man as before the fall of Dundrasil. And should it come to it, he shall stand against whoever that man is, no matter how many allies he may or may not have. In that way, that promise to stand against the darkness, to walk with the light...Jasper believes.

¤¤¤

_I believe in the **Luminary**._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, a fool, starting a new chapter fic when I still haven't finish my Fire Emblem one:
> 
> Anyways, no idea how long this'll be and if I'll, like, go through the sequences of the whole game, but!!! I'll do as much as I feel I guess so lmk if anyone sees this bc damn is the fanfic community dry as hell in this fandom.
> 
> Leave a comment and kudos, I would really appreciate it!
> 
> \- Psii


	2. Together, But Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [*dies of sad of ass disease*]
> 
> I'm going back to work and boy am I miserable about it. I just wanna enjoy October but damn if this shits ain't over soon I'm gonna go cuckoo bananas.
> 
> Aaaanyways, enjoy whatever this is and Jasper having feelings or something.
> 
> \- Psii

"...hold a moment. His Majesty has ordered you to what?" 

"I'm to return to Zwaardrust by tomorrow, to deal with the ghostly monster that is still plaguing the land. He likely had read my report and is well aware of my lackluster attempt...this is a chance to correct my previous mistake." Jasper could only stare incredulously at Hendrik. Was Carnelian really so callous as to order a man clearly traumatized by an event back to the place of said incident? It mattered not of the urgency of the mission, the Zwaardust region is abandoned, and the death of a merchant is enough of a cautionary tale to those travelling along that road to steer clear for a while. This wasn't something a man who practically raised Hendrik would do to him. It wasn't that he cared not for Hendrik's wellbeing himself, this just seemed unnecessary and risky. That sour thing in his chest twisted around his lungs. It made his next words a little breathless.

"You...are still injured." Hendrik merely shook his head. Despite his apparent stoicism, he looked miserable, he could see it in the dull look of his eyes. 

"Nothing that could prevent me from fighting." Jasper scowled at him.

" _Horseshit_. You fell off a damn cliff." 

"And I survived, didn't I?"

"Hendrik, this isn't a competition. You could die if you go out there again, and for what? To ease your own consciousness? It will not bring that man back to life." Hendrik's mouth twitched, and he knew he'd struck a nerve. But instead of raising his own voice, he was surprised to see him sigh, and practically bristled when he rested a hand on his shoulder. The point where his hand touched his shoulder felt hot. 

"That's why I want you to come with me." The hot feeling traveled up his neck and into his face. The lights in the room felt a lot brighter, like looking at him, though not nearly as intensely as Hendrik was. Tilted on an axis, balancing on a rope cast by those words suspended haphazardly over his roiling emotions, he could only manage out a tiny, "You do?" Hendrik, thank Goddess for his stupid obliviousness, didn't notice his voice wobbling, as he trembled above that confusing storm.

"I do. I believe no one else is more capable of finding out the weakness of that monster, and there's no one I would trust more to fight by my side in taking it down. I thought to let you know today, so you might be prepared to meet with us at the front gate for departure tomorrow morning." The rope became a plank, dangerous but solid under Jasper's feet. He could see Hendrik on the other side, holding it down for him, but he still stood there.

Unsure, cautious.

Afraid.

"Have you already cleared this with His Majesty? It would be foolish of you to make offers you cannot uphold." He smiled wryly at him. For once in a long while, he could see that mischievous spark in Hendrik's eyes, the one that would alight when he was a boy and there was no abyss between them, and all they cared about was planning their next adventure.

"You forget I am a general. I need not clear which knights I intend to take with me on my missions. And I pick you." The reminder that he was a general, awarded so soon after the battle of Dundrasil, stung, and made the board under him shake. But Jasper could not rip his eyes away from Hendrik's. The spark had ignited that fire in him, burning away the bitterness still lingering in his heart. It remained when it faded, digging cracks into his spirit like sharp vines, but it was less so, and he felt a smirk unwittingly curl his lips too. 

"I better see you when I arrive at the gate, then. It would be very embarrassing for you if I got there first." He didn't look away, and took a step forward on that bridge over the abyss, towards him.

When Jasper stepped outside of the castle, the sky barely lit with the timid beams of morning, and Hendrik smiled at him from the gates, he took another. The fire in his soul burned on.

¤¤¤

It was almost disgusting how easy taking down the ghostly warrior that had attacked Hendrik and cursed the merchant was. With a little research, Jasper had devised a plan to take it down. All it had taken was a well placed slash by Hendrik right to the center of its chest while he kept it occupied to destroy the glass-like container trapping the souls of those it cursed. Without the souls to fuel it, it ground to a halt, breaking down into a cloud of purple mist, damned to return to nothing. It was a hard fought battle, and neither him nor Hendrik escaped without wounds, but the way he clapped him on the back and gave him a smile that actually made the corners of his eyes crinkle up instead of the restrained tight-lipped grin made Jasper's heart skip far too many beats than was comfortable. He didn't have to say anything more to make him remember those words spoken two nights ago. 

_'We are a pair.'_

And indeed if only Carnelian had remembered that. 

It was hard to crush down the ugly beast rearing its head when the King sung praises around Hendrik upon their return like the man had single-handedly saved Yggdrasil, despite the knight's multiple attempts at speeches insisting that Jasper was owed just as much credit. The beast claws and crowed its disdain, but he beat it back with the thought that Hendrik had thought to say as much. And it's the intention that mattered, in this case. Intentions aside, perhaps Hendrik was just a tad more clever than Jasper thought to credit him.

Only a tad.

Certainly not clever enough to restrain himself from drinking himself into a sleepy stupor. Jasper watches, and he sees as Carnelian pours him glass after glass, insisting he celebrate. And Hendrik, that soft-hearted oaf, refused to say no as long as he wasn't about to drop dead of poisoning. Dragging his brick wall of a roommate wasn't an experience best repeated, but he had far more important thing occupying his thoughts. Namely, the observation that Carnelian poured Hendrik a new drink everytime it seemed he was about to start doling out any kind of comment that painted Jasper in some positive way. It's not as if many would've heard, seeing as the feast and talk commensing would have drowned out most of what he said, so he was preventing them from reaching his own ears.

It was decidely suspicious, and as he forced Hendrik to at least strip off his outwear and shoes before he collapsed into bed, he pondered the purpose of it all. Not just that, but all the king's attempts to seemingly separate them. They did not get along all the time, no. So why did it feel like he was trying to drive a wedge further?

_Praising him. Making him a general, while I'm still left behind. Even offering a new room just for him, so he could have a proper general's office. It was always him, always you, Hendrik the Hero of Heliodor, **Hendrik, Hendrik-**_ His thoughts are interrupted by a mumbling, and he had to lean over his own bed to squint at Hendrik's lumpy form in the dark and try hear him better. 

"What? Speak up, or go to bed."

"...s..said, glad you were with me. M'lucky...to be able to serve with you." That hot feeling was back, the quickness of it's spread simultaneously warming and alarming him.

"...go to sleep," he snapped with no fire at all.

"G'night..." His voice dropped off, and eventually, he started to snore. Jasper laid back down, heart banging a rhythm on his ribs. The wedge, a thorny splinter piercing it, pushed out bit by bit with each beat. The beast in his chest is silent. 

It didn't hurt so much now.

¤¤¤

When Hendrik frowns in such a deep way, Jasper imagines how many wrinkles he's going to develop in his old age. He already had permanent ones between his eyebrows, it was only a matter of time before more got added to the corners of his mouth. Idly, he tried to imagine an older Hendrik, gray and long in the tooth. He tried to shake that image away before it could grow legs and run free.

"Trying to intimidate ghosts?" Hendrik started, and whipped around to observe his perch by his desk. He let our a slow breath, more tired than annoyed, even though the later did not escape Jasper in response to his smirk.

"I do wish you would not enter my room without me in it."

"What? Afraid I'll find some secret stash of horny magazines? Unlikely to exist, if you're wound as tight in bed as you are out." It was fun to see his cheeks redden and hear the beginnings of an angry counter. Didn't seem to be in the mood to engage, however, as he just sighed and walked behind his dressing screen, the shuffling of fabrics indicative of his actions.

"I am troubled by the rising amount of monster attacks being reported. Though the numbers seem to rise...missions to deal with then don't seem to increase with them. Perhaps I assumed that you being made a general has lightened the number of which I get, but it still eats at me." Jasper put down the papers he was reading, the reason he'd shoved his way into Hendrik's room in the first place, seeing as city taxes were less captivating of his attention right now.

"Why let it bother you? Unless...you think his Majesty is planning a different approach?" Bait, left on a hook. A catch and release, simply to learn more. Hendrik seemed to be thinking, answering only when he reappeared, dressed simple but neat for dinner. That frown still hadn't left him. 

"I do not know. I don't know what he could even be planning, but I dont believe he is. He seems just about as he always has." 

"'Always has?'"

"Of course, changed as of Dundrasil." The line tugged, making his stomach sink. "But who hasn't been affected by that terrible day? Since then, I would imagine his Majesty has grown even more determined to do all he can for the citizens, if the way he holes up and works non-stop is any indication." 

"I suppose." The bait was taken, the line reels in, and yet the fish was not what he'd hoped. A shriveled little feeling, sinking like a rock when thrown back, settling heavy in his chest and making the world around him sharpen. 

_He suspects nothing._

It was optimistic to hope he would, but he could not help to have anyways. It was a daunting task, to reel in a catch unknown that could capsize his little boat of uncertainty, alone in a sea of oblivion. That abyss he saw in Dundrasil, the one hiding behind his eyes, threatening to consume him as he took steps closer to facing it. Hendrik made a gesture, and Jasper numbly followed, still stewing in a revelation that would shape the very scope of his plans, and maybe even his future.

That Hendrik and he were a pair. But in this quest?

He was alone.

When Jasper is assured of something, one could count on him to follow through with it. He didn't get where he was today without a sense of unrelenting determination. That being said, some things were easier said than done. Pouring over books on military tactics and the like was trivial compared to the endeavor he's set upon himself this time. Nonetheless, daunting though it may be, he was perfectly determined to prove to himself and eventually everyone else that King Carnelian had indeed changed, and was not the man he once was. Even if he had to do it all by himself. He looked at Hendrik, who was no longer frowning, and instead gave Jasper a soft grin.

For his own benefit, of course. No one else's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper: the enormity of my desire disgusts me
> 
> Damn am I tired...hopefully I'll have next chapter out a little closer to this one this time but no promises I guess. 
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment, I always appreciate a comment telling me if anyone reads this garbage.
> 
> \- Psii


	3. Jasper Takes a Leap of Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS REALLY LATE. Then again I still haven’t updated on of my Fire Emblem fics that I don’t wanna abandon so I kinda just...leave it there, until I’m ready to work on it. That being said, I’ll at let TRY to get the next chapter out sooner since this one ends a little abruptly.
> 
> Thank you for all the support btw, those of you who leave comment and kudos I honestly didn’t think anyone was gonna be interested in this since the western Dragon Quest fandom seems so empty. I appreciate your continued support!
> 
> \- Psii

Chess was a game meant to be played by two people. It is a good balance of strategy, mind games and carefully planning ahead, along with the added feature of each move being on a time limit. To lose a piece could mean progress forward, or progress lost. There is a risk and reward for each move made, safety in exchange for lost potential with every move not made. His skill in chess was entirely unmatched in the castle, except for maybe King Carnelian.

Especially King Carnelian.

He liked to think of this game as chess. The careful observation of every single one of Carnelian's moves. Each little step taken, each little decision made. He watched and waited, seeing and hearing every passing day, week, month. And, if prompted, he would respond, making his move but never revealing his hand. No, both players in this game were careful to keep their cards to their chests, and he was not foolish enough to believe that a supposed slip-up was entirely that, and not a trap. As time passed, and his observation of King Carnelian grew more and more extensive, he started to build a plan. When the time would come for him to make the final blow, he would be ready to confront the king.

But the time between each move was getting shorter. When it had been clear that the imposter replacing Carnelian was attempting to drive him and Hendrik apart, that night at the feast celebrating the victory in Zwaardrust, he decided to feign ignorance. So, he played along. He ground his teeth when visible to Carnelian, everytime Hendrik was praised over him. When he inevitably was made general, but given menial tasks as compared to Hendrik, he seethed "secretly". He complained to himself but within earshot, he shot Hendrik withering looks behind his back. As ugly as it felt, the boiling anger was not entirely unwilling, simply flooding his bloodstream from that thorn still dug deep into his chest. At least, when Hendrik looked back at him to smile, fought tooth and nail protesting that Jasper be made a general when he was not, and still visited him at his chambers to invite him out between missions, he could convince himself that it was all an act for the game. At least it didn't hurt as much.

After a particular incident where Jasper loudly spoke to one of his knights about the queen's favorite flower, and suggested it was roses, he took a peek at the tombstone carefully tended to in the castle. Hendrik had been there, he could see a bundle of daffodils and carnations sitting at the stone. How lucky for that being that is not Carnelian to have spotted Hendrik heading there to lay flowers "in his stead, I hope it is not too presumptuous of me to pay respects for the late queen, in light of his Majesty being so occupied". If it had been coming from anyone else, the words might have been snide, but coming from Hendrik, they were entirely well-meaning. How lucky as well, that Carnelian seemingly overheard Jasper, and that he found a bundle of red roses sitting next to the yellow flowers. How lucky, and so foolish, that the false king did not know that queen's favorite flowers were a simple jade bloom, found by the handful blooming in the meadows outside of the castle, that those were the flowers left bundled up neatly on the queen's grave. He could feel it all coming together, the pieces on the board lining up, spelling "check". It was "Carnelian"'s move now, and he sincerely hoped it was worth his time.

After all, if it wasn't, all his efforts would feel like such a waste. And that would be rather anti-climactic.

¤¤¤

"Sir, the King wishes to meet with you in his office later. He said as soon as possible, as it's a matter of utmost importance. He said it come alone, and to send away the guards at his door. That the matter was private."

"...understood. You are dismissed."

Alone, in a room with Carnelian who is not Carnelian, with no guards in earshot and presumably closed doors behind him. When he idly hoped whatever move he made wasn't anti-climactic, putting him in the middle of enemy territory wasn't what he'd meant.

_Counter check..._

He wasn't entirely swayed. This was as much an opportunity for him than it was for Carnelian. To get him alone in a room, away from prying eyes, it was the best chance he had at catching him off guard, and then maybe prying some kind of information from him. Maybe, if he was lucky, checkmating him. This is assuming he can get a confession of some kind. But all the years spent carefully cultivating evidence and a plan weren't in vain. He was ready, no matter the surprise move, no matter the lack of back up. Namely, the man making his way over to him, barely concealed excitement on his face.

"Hendrik." His response was smooth, despite the emotions bubbling just under the surface. He felt tempted to shield his eyes from the absolutely disgusting amount of joy coming from his expression.

"Jasper, I have heard from our fellow knights that his Majesty has called you into his office."

"Indeed, it would seem that way." He must've had some kind of look on his face, or maybe a sour note in his tone, because Hendrik's own voice softened a fraction, and he reached a hand up to place on his shoulder. He could not feel the warmth from it, as it could not penetrate the thick metal of his general's armor. For once, he cursed the lack of intimacy.

"Do not look so dower. I am positive it can only be good news. You have been doing so fantastically as a general, and the kingdom has been doing well, even in light of the rising monster numbers," Hendrik said, in his best attempts at reassuring him. "I can't think of no one more deserving of praise for their hard work." There was a twinge in his chest, jostling the thorn in his heart. Hendrik removed his hand, the familiar weight of it was sorely missed. Jasper raised his eyes from it up to meet his, giving him a casual smirk. 

"You are right, for once. I suppose I shall see you in an hour."

"I shall. I'll even treat you to a few pastries at that new shop you like, if you promise to not purchase everything in the store again."

"It was not everything, and I let you have some that time."

"Only because you took one bite and didn't like it." He'd already begun to walk away, Hendrik's last retort more of a call to his retreating back. Jasper waved his hand nonchalantly, ignoring the rising apprehension in his chest as he walked further away from Hendrik, and closer to the climax to all his hard work.

Alone.

¤¤¤

"Your Majesty, it is I, Jasper. I am told you called for me?"

"Indeed. Enter, and send the guards away."

"Yes, my liege." In truth, he'd already sent the guards off as soon as he'd arrived. He did not know how quickly things would come to a head, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Pulling open the door to King Carnelian's office, he took in the familiar sight of the lavishly decorated carpet, bookshelves lining the walls and the ornate cherrywood desk at the center of it all. Light from the window to his right illuminated the room, outside seeing the tree Hendrik and him spent their youth training under. Carnelian sat on his plush desk chair, pouring over several papers, which he placed down to look at him when he entered and closed the door behind him. His gaze was sharp, and still as empty as that night in Dundrasil. He bowed so as to break his eyes away from that frigid gaze.

"May I ask what the matter you have called me here today is about?"

"You may. It is something I have been meaning to speak to you about for a while, and I believe now is the right time." Jasper straightened up. He scanned the lines in Carnelian's face, looking for a hint of a change in expression. There was nothing, not even the barest hint of a twitch. A fantastic poker face, even in a body that doesn't belong to it. Whatever creature pretends to be him, might think he has him trapped. That just meant it was also trapped in here with him. It was just the two of them, and he was almost positive he didn’t know Jasper knew about him. How could he? He'd taken great care to make it this far while playing the part clearly meant for him, the scorned knight living in the shadow of his fellow brother in arms, who shown like a star. Here, he didn't need his light, and he reached from the shadows to make his next move.

_White knight to office room. Check._

"Would it happen to pertain to your true nature, my king? Or should I say...imposter?" The slight widening of his eyes did not escape him, and he could not stop the twitch of his mouth into the vaguest smirk. He was deep into enemy territory, but getting even a slight reaction was worth the colossal risk he was currently taking. "Do not think me a fool. I knew you were not who you said you were, even if I did not know who. So, tell me then...why _did_ you call me here?" The silence that stretched between them could span centuries, instead of the minute it occupied. What a tortuous minute it was, even in all his confidence, the possibility of getting attacked on the spot did not escape him. He waited for a response, the clock on the wall ticking louder, only drowned out by his own heart beating harder. Finally, when the lifetime of quiet was too much, he saw Carnelian change. Not physically, and yet he lost whatever lingering posture that Carnelian had, and be became someone else. He stood up, slow, deliberate, hands folded behind his back, eyes staring at him blank and soulless, his mouth pulling into a smile. A predator baring its teeth.

"How surprising. True, I did not expect much from you, and I certainly didn't expect you to have discovered my true identity so readily. But...that is of no real concern. After all, what I wished to offer you would have me revealing who I was anyways." Jasper felt as if time slowed down around him, but did not allow his face to mirror the quickly souring feeling in his chest.

"And what would that be?" The false king moved his hand out from behind his back. Jasper briefly tensed, expecting some kind of attack, but Carnelian simply held out his hand. There was a crackling sound, the smell of charred wood and ozone, and a violet sphere of dark energy sparked to life in his palm. He narrowed his eyes, suspicious, and raised them up to meet Carnelian's, just as he spoke.

"I know the image of your soul. Shunned to the side, always one step behind the light of another. It isn't fair, is it? While you slink further and further into the darkness, he gets brighter and brighter. There is a beauty in the darkness, however. And a magnificent power, beyond anything he can dream. Come, join me, Jasper. Serve as my hand of darkness, and I will grant you all the power you could ever hope for. More power than that fool could hope for. You'll grow greater than anyone, and show them all the true potential of those in the shadows." The dark energy crackled in his palm. His hand was held out to him, and all Jasper had to do was reach out and take it. It was true, what he said, the thorn in him proved that much. His blazing white and gold armor was only because of the matching black and gold one _he_ wore. _He_ was always better, always recognized, always outshining him at every turn. Magnetized, the purple glow of the dark magic pulling at his very bones, he almost reached his hand out, and sunk into that abyss. He shifted his weight, just so, and glare from the window caught his eye. He could still see it, the tree outside of the window, where Carnelian had presented the princess to them, and gave them both the matching eagle lockets. The locket that sat heavy on his collar. A snap, like the ropes holding a weight, he felt the crushing realization fall upon him. The hand that Hendrik shook, the voice that lauded him and spurred crowds into a cheer, the owner of the sword that granted Hendrik his general title. He raised his eyes up from the alluring darkness, up to the empty irises of the man in question.

This was how it was always planned to be. And he had almost let himself fall. Carnelian must've seen his miniscule hesitation, because his face grow more cold, and that smile turned into a sneer. His fingers tensed, and the dark energy turned less alluring, and more menacing. Unbiddingly, Jasper felt that cold seep into his spine.

"Of course, this is your only choice. You will never surpass Hendrik. Not without my help, that is. I am more than anything you will ever be, but I am willing to share. If the fall of Dundrasil does not prove how much power I have, then perhaps the fall of Zwaardrust will." The ice began to overtake his legs, freezing him in place. The fall of Zwaardrust? What does that have anything to do with the fall of Dundrasil? Unless... _unless_... Carnelian's expression only grew more snide, as he must be taking his prolonged silence for the revelation that it was. He willed himself to speak, to say something, anything to prove him wrong, but his words came up empty. His legs were frozen, and so was his normally quick tongue.   
  


"I see you are beginning to understand. Perhaps now you are more convinced of just how little you actually are. The offer still stands, and I hope you are clever enough to make the right choice."

The right choice. Does he even have a choice? Time felt like it had completely stopped, he couldn't even hear the sound of the clock, or his beating heart anymore. In contrast, his mind was speeding up, building up a pace, whirring to life as he evaluated his options.

_Black king to office. Counter check._

_**Accept the deal.** _

He looked once again at the swirling dark aura, giving off an almost noxious purple mist not unlike the wisps monsters dissolved into when they perished. He could accept the power, "live to fight another day" or whatever such drivel. Perhaps with it, he could grow to over power this monster, and reveal his true form to Heliodor. Once again, he felt mesmerized by it, magnetized once again. He took in a breath, and his locket moved against his neck. He remembered something, clutching it late at night, reading about powers based in darkness. How it took ahold of those who seek it, drowning them further into their own madness. It was postulated that a man of great willpower and strength could resist it's evil thrall. A man like Hendrik, perhaps. _Not men like me._ He imagined himself drowning in a pool of black, his mind being consumed with his raging envy for his fellow knight, turning him as black as the void emitting from the fake Carnelian. A blackened piece for a black hearted king. He tore his eyes away.

_**Fight**_.

He dismissed the idea near immediately. Even if he was previously confident in his abilities, did the creature not just say he was responsible for the fall of both Dundrasil AND Zwaardrust? Two kingdoms in Erdrea, snuffed out like they'd never even been there. As if Jasper would stand a chance. He was not so shallow as to not admit his weakness. The idea of attacking the imposter to reveal his true identity to the rest of castle floated across his head, but he waved it away, it vanishing like smoke. How difficult would it be for him to claim that Jasper suddenly attacked out of no where, or else a "monster" broke into the castle while they were talking and killed him. It's not as if he would be alive to protest his innocence. And dying defeats the purpose of all this.

_**Call for help.** _

The guards were not standing outside the door, and the fake king would have him struck down long before he had time to call out to anyone. He recalls having sent the guards away himself before entering the room. Despite it being on "Carnelian"'s orders, he cursed himself, the irony of his own hand being the thing to doom him.  
  


 _ **Stall**_.

He must be desperate. He WAS desperate. If fighting wasn't a viable option, how long could he last against him? He briefly entertained stalling him long enough for others to here the commotion, of Hendrik and his knights flooding in to help. And then what? How would he explain having to defend himself from the king, the man Hendrik beloves so dearly? He'd already proven to be as clever if not more than Jasper, one lie about him being "possessed by evil" and to the guillotine he goes. He might be a knight but he was a king, with another more respected knight still at his shoulder. A knight dressed armor of black, at the hand of the black king. Jasper could see him, standing behind the king, and further back, see the multitude of black pieces that he previously overlooked. Even the pieces as small as pawns had him on sheer numbers. In contrast, he was one white piece, protecting a savior he does not even know still lives. That cold had spread to his chest, and when it consumes his heart, he recognized the feeling.

Fear. 

He was afraid. Terror gripped him, seeing the looming darkness over him, trapped in a scenario with no escape. His carefully built plan was collapsing all around him, and he realized just how badly he'd underestimated this creature. Perhaps, if he'd had backup, he could be confident to take him down, instead of being a singular white speck in an ocean of black.

  
_Checkmate._

He wished Hendrik was here. He thought of him, downstairs, unknowing that Jasper was about to be killed or lost to shadows or accused of treason up here, alone. He thought about how easily they'd kill that cursed beast in Zwaardrust, how Hendrik always insisted they were a pair. He could still see that tree, their tree, growing benignly outside. In the dark despair that gripped him, bloomed a light, in the shape of him.

_What would he do?_ He recalled Hendrik's lowest moment, back on the cliffs near the road to Octagonia, fleeing from the ghostly warrior he'd been sent to kill. Fleeing to live, to survive. To come back once he had proper backup. Once he had Jasper.

_**Run**_.

The second he turned his back, which was the last thing he wanted to do, he would be killed. No amount of distraction or fighting would allow him the time to get to the door. The sun set further, and the window reflected into his eyes again. Maybe he didn't have to make it to the door. Time sped back up, the clock ticking got louder, and his heart began to break out its icy cage, his blood boiling and melting the cold as it pumped adrenaline into his veins. He reached down, slowly, and placed a hand on the hilt of his sword. Carnelian's face morphed into one of surprise, then disdainful amusement.  
  


"It seems you are not as smart as I tho-" He didn't get to finish his taunt before Jasper had unsheathed his sword in one fluid movement, and hurled it at him. Just as he'd hoped, Carnelian's eyes followed it, despite it clearly not even close to hitting him. The few seconds it afforded were precious, as he lunged for the window. By the time the imposter turned back to him, he was already leaping out the open window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper: Okay, I need to get into a Hendrik headspace. What would Hendrik do?
> 
> Jasper: uurrngh unga bunga jump out window good
> 
> Not like he had a lot of options anyways. Leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed, I love seeing the comments people leave and I can’t wait to read on people calling Jasper a damn clown for this circus stunt.
> 
> \- Psii


	4. Jasper Fucking Dies (Not Really Tho)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK BABY and boy, November has been wild! Sorry this chapter is so late, and this felt a little all over the place, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. This chapter is probably gonna be followed by an intermission chapter, which won't be very long but hopefully I can get it out to you guys faster than this one.
> 
> This whole fic has just been Jasper falling down more and more stairs, but I promise it looks up from here!
> 
> \- Psii

_What if I hit the ground and die on impact?_

That _would've_ been an excellent thought to have BEFORE he jumped from the second story window. As it was, that miraculous wonder called common sense did not come to him until after his feet were already leaving the windowsill to the Carnelian's office. Time felt slow, the clock ticking fading away and instead being replaced by his own heart beating a steadily increasing rhythm on his ribs. The wind whistled loud in his ears, and the rising panic in his chest was turning the contents of his stomach into a boiling sea. The conversation he'd had with Hendrik just an hour ago felt like it was years in the past. He faintly wondered if he was still waiting somewhere inside. Waiting for a partner that would never come.

The world was speeding up, much faster than he would like. As he looked down, the ground was fast approaching, soft green grass hiding the hardened earth that spelled his demise. If he survived the fall, then what? His legs would be broken for sure. He just jumped out a window after _throwing_ his SWORD at the _KING_. Insanity, possessed by evil, plain betrayal were the least of the charges that would be laid against him. Not even Hendrik would stand up for him then. He would be imprisoned and then executed, all while taking with him the knowledge that the Luminary was the last living hope for humanity, and that possibly one of the greatest evils Erdrea had yet to face was laying right under the nose of the citizens of Heliodor.

The ground was closer now. A blur of green caught his attention, as it took up more of his vision. The tree in the courtyard, where he and Hendrik trained as children. Where they officially became partners.

_Our tree._

His brain sparked to life. He couldn't be stopped. He _wouldn't_ be. He'd come so far, suffered in silence for so long. Like hell he was going to just roll over now and let that monster win. He didn't know if the Luminary still lived, and if he truly is Erdrea's savior...but he hoped. He believed, in him, in the future, in Hendrik. _In me_. The branches grew more detailed, he could make out individual leaves. He braced himself for the impact, because once he hit the ground, he was no longer welcome in this castle. He'd be a traitor, tainted by evil and a thirst for power, and his former comrades would stop at nothing to seize him.

Jasper did not pray often. But he prayed now. He closed his eyes.

...

...

...

When he next opened them, he was looking up at the mix of indistinguishable greens and browns. There was several stinging cuts on his face, including a wet feeling from a wound that smarted quite a bit on his temple, and his back ached something fierce. He was still reeling when he forced himself up to his feet. By some act of the goddess, nothing felt broken. Felt, that is. The tree had slowed his fall enough that he hit the ground at a much more survivable velocity, and his armor had protected from the worst of the impact with the branches. Still, his ankle did not like supporting his weight, and whatever dignity he still had was rudely squeezed out of him when he took a few shaky steps forward accompanied by strangled yelps. He could vaguely hear Carnelian at the window he'd just jumped from, shouting down at him, but it only blended in with the ringing in his head. His mind was spinning, a twirling weatherwane in a storm, muddying up his sense of direction and making it take three tries to grab the door handle to the main hall and push it open. A maid coming to no doubt see what the king was shouting about shrieked in surprise at his suddenly appearance, which was like lightning in the growing storm clouding his head. Electrified, his brain caught up with him, and he ignored her in favor of picking up his pace, half limping, half running down the hallway, to the doors that would lead to the stables. To freedom. The castle was rising in energy, people talking, people shouting. A few times someone tried to stop him. Talk to him, ask what happened. He ignored them, waving them away like the noise they were. In his head, still foggy and not as responsive as he'd like it to he, he started to formulate a plan.

_Armor...my armor, its slowing me down, get rid of it, its recognizable- have to ditch it._ Formulate wasnt really the word he'd use to describe the following thoughts he had in his head. Rather, it was the brief gasps of air inbetween resurfacing amidst a sea of pain and gripping fear. He didn't have time to think about how he must've looked to the castle staff he passed, who were some combination of whispering to each other and attempting to help him as he stumbled through the hallway, clumsily throwing off pieces of his golden white armor and snarling at anyone who got close to stay away. How fitting he must look, playing the part of the cornered rat, not even having the teeth to bite back. He really wished he'd second thought throwing his sword.

_Supplies, a weapon? No weapon, gold? Only a few pieces...have to withdraw from the bank, before they seize it. Get to the stables, get a horse, I have to get away-_ The dizzying tyraid of his own frantic thoughts were interrupted by pain shooting up his leg again, making him stumble into the closest surface: a nearby wall. Leaning, he slumped into it, feeling the cold of the smooth marble stone ground him for a second. He couldn't afford to waste any time, he could still hear shouting down the hall, but it was enough to let him stand still and breath. Adrenaline was no doubt masking several of his other small pains, and the second it ran out, he'd likely be incapacitated for a good while. Something dripped down his face and past his eye, making him flinch, and he brought a hand up to feel at the spot. His hand came away wet, him seeing his hand covered in bright crimson. _Great, another problem_. Not caring about how much carnage he leaves in his wake, he smeared his hand against the wall, using it as a temporary crutch. It was sorely missed when the wall ended and he was forced to continue speed-limping down the hall. He could see the way to the stables, freedom was so close. He practically jumped put of his skin when a pair of large, strong hands grabbed him around the shoulders. He squirmed, trying in vain to wriggle his way out of their grip, saying a protest that was some cross between "unhand me" and "get away from me", coming out as a pathetic whine of "Unhand- get away- me-" He froze when a familiar voice finally reached his ears, distant like he was hearing it through a long tunnel.

"Jasper! Jasper, can you hear me?? What's going on?" Hendrik. _Hendrik_. Jasper's eyes focused, and Hendrik's worry stricken face swam into view. Without thinking, he felt his body relaxing, Hendrik's grip tightening on him when he involuntarily leaned into him. Momentary relief flooded into him, and he spoke with a voice that was surely too weak to be his own.

"Hen...drik..." That only seemed to worry the said man more, as he started to look him over with more urgency.

"Jasper, what happened? I thought you were just meeting with his Majesty, were you two attacked? Why are you-" Whatever else Hendrik said was completely lost to him when he heard shouting from behind him. A solider was sprinting down the hallway, yelling at the top of his lungs.

"His Majesty has been stabbed!! Somebody, call a healer!!" This gave both Hendrik and Jasper pause, but for different reasons. _Stabbed?_ Jasper questioned, in his head.

"Stabbed?? By whom?!" Hendrik parroted, his grip on Jasper slackening. The solider made visual contact with them, and he pointed an accusatory finger at Jasper. _Ah, so that's how it was._

"YOU! Sir Hendrik, do NOT let that traitor get away!! He is the one who made an attempt on the king's life!" Jasper's gaze lowered as his head lolled a bit, tracing away from Hendrik's face to his armor. Pitch black, with a golden eagle.

_A black knight for a black king._

He bristled, details around him sharpening out of the momentary daze he'd allowed himself to be lulled into. He wasn't safe with Hendrik, as much as he felt so in the moment. Even as he heard Hendrik vaguely, arguing with the solider about the impossibility of Jasper being a would-be assassin, his sword was still in the room. If the false Carnelian was clever enough (which he's sure he was), he'd used it to falsify an attack on himself, bloodying Jasper's sword and staining both it and his alibi with an irrefutable sentence...mutiny. Hendrik's grip on him had slackened some. Still weak on his feet, he pushed him away with all the remaining strength he had left, dislodging his hands. When he tried to make a grab for him again, saying some effect of "calm down-", Jasper pushed him again, this time managing to send him backwards and unto the floor.

"This is for your own good," was all he said, before he took off down the hall once again, narrowly dodging the solider that had originally come to speak about Jasper's supposed treason. While the solider could've easily caught him in his state, something must have stopped him, because he did not come rushing after him, and he turned the corner to the door that led outside. Crashing through it, he barely had the mind to turn and close them. He stood there for a moment, looking around wildly, wired and slowly filling with panic once again. A pitchfork sticking out from a hay stack caught his eye, and he snatched it up, throwing it in the loops of the door handles. It was flimsy, but at least it could buy him a precious few seconds, seconds he'd be needing, since he had no idea what to do now. The plan had been to get a horse, and ride it out to freedom, but then what? Where would he go? There was no place nearby he could hide, and his injuries were starting to take hold. He wouldn't be able to keep going much longer. Willpower can only do so much, belief can't be enough to drive him onward. Eventually, something would have to give. Now outside, he stared up, up at the expansive sky, his gaze drawn to the luminous light of Yggdrasil. Somewhere, out there on Erdrea, its chosen hero lay in wait. How far he had to look, even if he would find them, was unknown. But he must.

_But I must._

The doors behind him banged, driving him forward once again. Some knights must've caught up with him, meaning there was little time to lose. The storm, back in full force, raged harder in his head. They say Yggdrasil's chosen had a power over an element that no over could master, the power of lightning itself. A chorus of fists on the doors like cracking thunder, matched only by his pounding heart _. I believe._

"...getting...away...!" The faint shout of a solider echoed behind him. Undeterred, he sprinted down the rows of stables. Several of the horses were looking curiously at him, while the rest were completely unconcerned. He had no horse of his own, but did not lack the ability to ride. If he could just find...-

-...there! A chestnut mare with white spots, standing calmly in her stall, saddle still on. As distant as his thoughts were right now, he remembered her and her rider, a solider under his command. The young recruit always forgot to take the saddle off her, and it would be up to Hendrik to remove it when he visited Obsidian. Said black steed was standing in the stable next to her. He lifted his big head up, looking excitedly at Jasper, likely expecting some kind of treat. Scrambling against the lock hinge on the door to the mare, Jasper paid him no mind as he hastily clambered onto her with all the grace of a newborn deer, a lack of attention that clearly Obsidian objected to. He snorted low and loud, ears pushed back and tossing his head. Jasper glared at him, pointing accusatorily and saying, "You better not rat me out," before thinking about the possibility of a _horse_ telling the soliders where he went, and not the missing mare and bloody smears on the stable door. _I am losing my mind already._

A telltale crash and the splintering of something wooden, followed by the much louder shouting of the castle soliders was all he needed to know time was up. Flicking the reins and bracing himself, he clung on as his steed bolted forward, trampling all manner of things on the way out, leaving a trail of debris. Leaping the gate, scrambling down the stone streets, passed confused onlookers, he glanced back briefly at the castle, towering and mighty, the place he'd called home for so many years. Where he and Hendrik met, became friends, became partners, knights and generals...where a great sinister evil now lurked. He thought about Hendrik's face when he'd pushed him, filled with confusion and worry. His heart twisted, as did the thorn in it, a sting not of poison but of grief.

_Looks like you'll be flying on your own, from now on. May we meet again...when light has been restored to the land._

¤¤¤

_He was frowning, but not in any way that he'd seen before. There was something hidden behind it, something hard and determined. Grief? Denial? It was so far beyond his grasp._

_"You are...saying Jasper attacked you, then jumped out the window to escape? Please forgive me, your Majesty...I mean no disrespect, but I speak as Jasper's closest friend when I say that does not seem like him at all."_

_Stubbornness. That felt correct. He'd seen it, many times in that stern face, but never to this degree. Even as he sat, in the very office that he staged an attack in, the sword he'd stained with this vessel's blood laying on the floor, this fool did not believe him. Humans truly were trivial and difficult things, but he knew them well regardless. He could see it, the tension forming between them when he'd claimed that pathetic excuse for a knight had flown into a rage during a confrontation and stabbed him before fleeing. He could apply pressure, force him to obey, and he would because he thought he was his king, and not someone wearing his skin. But he'd seen the effect that had, in that mission to Zwaardrust. Forcing his authority, despite the obvious resistance, had led to the opposite effect intended. The two had become closer, bonded in a way he clearly had not been able to undo. This human was stubborn, as for every bit gullible, he was also a problem if not controlled. Fortunately for him, he was also prone to suggestion, especially from someone whom he looked up to. So, he retraced his steps, and tried again._

_"Hm...perhaps...you are right. Everything had happened so quickly, I may have jumped unfairly to conclusions. However, there still lays the reason behind his behavior." He had barely finished his sentence, before he spoke up._

_"If I may, your Majesty...Jasper was acting very strangely during his escape. It was like he was having some kind of strange, manic episode...throwing his armor, shouting for everyone to keep away from him, staggering about as if not controlled by his own mind...might it be possible that he was possessed by some evil force? Making him act not himself. When he escaped after I briefly had ahold of him, he said, 'This is for your own good.' Perhaps he was trying to protect me from harm." So that was how he was rationalizing it. It wasn't the optimal explanation, but he would be remiss to not use it._

_"Yes...yes, that does sound very possible. With the rising incidents of monsters attacking, and new kinds of evil emerging every week...no doubt an effect of that accursed Luminary Darkspawn...it may very well be that Jasper has been corrupted by darkness." Already, it was having an effect, he was hanging off of his every word. "Indeed, if true...then it seems likely he regained control of himself only to realize what he'd done, and he threw himself out the window in some vain attempt to protect my life, and he fled to keep the rest of the castle safe." The fool was nodding along, like it was all starting to make sense. He stood to attention when he put a hand in his shoulder, and leveled his eyes at him._

_"That is all the more reason for you to find him. If the possibility exists that the true Jasper is still trapped inside his own body, struggling to wrench himself free from the control of evil...we must save you. **You** must save him. This is an order from your king...retrieve Jasper, alive. If there is hope yet for him...then I would wish for nothing more than to be able to release him from this fate." He nodded, and bowed deeply to him, before turning and sprinting down the hall, meeting the other awaiting human soliders. As he watched them go, he felt a smirk twist the face of his vessel._

**_There is no place under Yggdrasil you can hide from me. It's only a matter of time..._ **

¤¤¤

The second Jasper slid off the horse and his injured ankle hit the ground, he crumpled down like a feebly built house in the wind. Several unsavory words escaped him in between low groaning, and yet he couldnt stop now. Even surrounded by the thick, smothering trees of the Manglegrove, he had no doubt that within the hour, Heliodorian soliders would pick up the tracks his mount had left behind to get here. Speaking of that mount, it was tossing its head and snorting, clearly unwilling to go any further into the dark, monster infested forest. He vaguely entertained trying to lead it onward by foot, but movement from a nearby bush spooked the beast, and he was forced to watch with disbelief and despair as it whipped around and took off back towards the castle. Goes to show how well trained Heliodorian mounts were, but he can't say he was very thrilled when it turned out the great beast that spooked his only means of transport away was a slime. Fortunately for him, it bounced away when he snarled and threw a rock at it, so at least he wouldn't suffer death by slime, which would've been only slightly less embarrassing than if he'd died jumping out a third story window.

As insignificant as it had been, the slime's presence alerted him to just how many monsters there were crawling about. None of them appeared to be particularly aggressive, but he wasn't about to stick around and test the patience of each and every one of them. Putting as much weight on his ankle as he can handle without collapsing in agony, he grit his teeth and used a nearby tree to haul himself up. Even moving at a snail's pace was still a pace, he supposed.

The environment was unforgiving. Having to rely on trees and rocks for support, he was away from the well trodden path, and instead trudging through thick mud and bushes. If he'd still had his armor, it wouldn't be a problem, but here he was in nothing but his inner clothing and boots, covered in drying blood and now forest grime. It being sometime past mid day, the sun was turning the damp enclosed atmosphere into a soup of sticky sweat and itching heat. At least the nearby huddles of sham hatwitches were minding their own business.

By the time he'd dragged himself to a place he felt comfortable enough that he wouldn't be seen, not easily that is, a sort of comfortable drowsiness was settling over him. Maybe it was the blood loss, or the fact that he'd hadn't exactly eaten that much in anticipation for a large lunch, or maybe it was jumping out a window and running for his life, or some combination of the three, but he lowered himself unto the cool ground in the driest (see: slightly less cold and wet than the rest) patch of mossy ground that he could find, and immediately felt his eyes closing. His mind screamed at him not to go to sleep, that he very likely might never wake up or find himself waking up in a jail cell. That smarter part of him was drowned out by the sheer weight of exhaustion pilling unto him, crushing him flat into the soft inviting ground. He just needed to breath. Just a few minutes, and he'll get a move on. Just a few minutes...

...

...

"Do you see him anywhere?"

"No, but he had definitely been here. The horse was waiting just outside. I'm willing to bet he's hiding somewhere. Keep looking."

He was jolted upright when voices reached his ears. He held his breath, listening closely. More chatter reached him, but it sounds faint, and not anywhere near his location. Exhaling, he sat up, attempting to push himself up off the ground, and had to bite his tongue when he almost yowled in pain. The adrenaline that had been keeping him going had long worn off, and every part of him hurt. Bruises he wasn't previously aware of ached, and he was sure his ankle would start swelling soon. He was dizzy, mind spinning and head pounding, likely he was concussed. Frantically, he looked at his surroundings, and the faint traces of sun poking through the leaves above him. It was still humid, the ground still wet, and the sun was still up. His limbs creaked and protested like rusty door hinges, and his muscles still burned from exertion. He'd maybe dozed off for an hour or so.

_Dammit, dammit, dammit..._ He cursed himself out, how could he allow his one chance of getting ahead of the knights slip away from him? His headstart ruined, he careful picked himself up, gritting his teeth against the pain, and he looked around. He was in a small clearing, sheltered by trees. A river gurgled off to his right, and it traced it's way over rocks to a cliff not ten feet away. Cautiously, so as not to accidently tumble off the edge, he looked over it. The river crashed down, feeding into a sort of basin, which turned into raging rapids. Maybe he could survive the jump? There didn't see to be any other way down, and he sure as hell couldn't stay up here, waiting to be found. Backing up, he stood there for a few seconds, his mind reeling and trying to collect his thoughts in any meaningful way.

_Check your pockets,_ was the first thing that came to him. His armor was long gone, but he had pockets in his inner clothes that held his possessions. Reaching into them, he dug around. A small pouch containing ten pieces of gold, one or two pieces of wrapped sweets from the shop nearby the castle (which he gratefully unwrapped and ate to try and stave off his mounting hunger), and a piece of a broken quill he'd carelessly shoved in there as a reminder to buy a replacement. He knew he had a knife stashed on his belt, but it was barely half the size of his forearm, and really only meant for utility or emergencies. He might as well use a toothpick to fend off monsters. The lack of money on his person was really what concerned him, living rough wouldn't hide him forever, and he needed to buy new clothes and a real weapon. Relying on magic to fight didn't exactly sit well with him. Maybe, if he could sneak into a town, he could buy a cheap sword? It would be better than nothing, but he still needed to buy clothes, food, and maybe a horse if he didn't want his feet covered in sores from walking everywhere. That was beyond ten meager pieces of gold. For once, he was angry at his tendency to carry so little gold on him, and only withdraw when needed. Though, it's not as if the him from yesterday knew he was going to end up like this.

The shouting of the knights sounded closer. Bristling, he unsheathed the knife. It wouldn't intimidate a bunnicorn, but having something sharp in his hand helped to keep his mind sharper. The familiar weight of his gold locket sitting around his neck made him briefly entertain the thought of selling it, no doubt something like that could fetch a decent price. His insides only twisted, and a lump rose in his throat at the thought of parting with it. Not even now, he couldn't let it go. It was the only remainder he had of him. Hair tickled his face, which made him stop and think. He recalled a woman in a town not far from here, who offered to buy his hair. She was a wig maker, and she'd been absolutely enamoured by the long tail he'd been caring for for many years. It reached down past his shoulders to near his lower back now, covered in dirt and blood, but still silken and bright. Originally, he'd been repulsed by the thought of selling something he prided himself so much on, and refused outright. But now, with more than the threat of death weighing on his shoulders, forced to bend to selling that or the only mark of the friend he'd left behind, he had to choose. Even if he didn't sell it, it made him recognizable. How many people had the luxury to carefully grow out their hair so long? Reluctantly, he reached back and pulled his hair forward, unto his shoulder. He could do right now, shear it off, and that would be that. Bringing the knife up, he wished his hands were steadier, the blade touch his hair, when-

"STOP!!"

-he jumped, and winced as the blade nicked his neck instead. He heard crashing in the trees behind him, and he whirled around, holding the knife out in Erdrea's most pathetic display of self-defense. His ankle did not like that, and his head swam as pain shot up his leg. Managing to remain standing, he watched in rising fear and disbelief as Hendrik crashed through the undergrowth, stopping only when Jasper growled, "Stay back." There was no way he was deterred by this display, but Hendrik raised his hands up, away from his sword, and stopped dead in his tracks. Speaking in a voice much calmer than he had any right to be, he started to say, "Jasper, calm down, it's just me-"

"Don't come any closer." He imagined what he looked like: dirty, bloodied with teeth bared, feral and unhinged. He didn't know why Hendrik hadn't struck him down yet, but he wasn't about to take the risk that he was trying to lure him into a false sense of security. Hendrik's eyes briefly glanced at the cut starting to bead with blood on his neck. His brow furrowed deeper.

"Please Jasper, listen me. I know you're confused, and probably scared. We can help you. The king told me everything...he told me about how you were taken by the darkness. About how you threw yourself from the window to try and save him. Just come back with me. I know my words can reach you, and I swear, we'll figure out a way to rid you if this curse." The more Hendrik talked, the more bewildered Jasper became. Taken by darkness? Threw himself from the window to try and save him? _Curse??_ Whatever that monster told Hendrik, it was some kind of ploy to get him back to the castle, and he wasn't going to fall for it. He brandished the knife, wobbling in his feet, but glaring at Hendrik.

"You don't understand, you fool. You're being misled. I'm not coming back with you." Hendrik stood a step forward, making him take a step back. The roar of the waterfall behind him was deafening, loud like the roar of the blood rushing in his ears. Hendrik stopped advancing, and his face morphed into something sad and desperate. It was so much like the one on that night before Zwaardrust, where they shared a moment and they came to an understanding, renewing their vow to be partners. The distant warmth of that memory ached.

"I'm begging you, don't do this. It doesn't have to be this way. As your friend...please...just trust me." Sounds of the water and forest seemed so far away now. If Hendrik wanted to, he could easily wrangle him into submission and take him back. But he wasn't. The grimace he'd had slowly faded, and Jasper felt very tired. The hand holding his knife fell, and he slipped it quietly back into its sheath. A look of relief was spreading across Hendrik's face, and he smiled, in that small but gentle way, reserved only for moment between them. Jasper tried to commit it to memory, to replace the one he'd originally had in his mind. The last image of his Hendrik.

"Hendrik...I'm sorry." He turned, and leapt off the cliff. He could hear him, screaming something behind him, but he tried not to listen. The shock of the cold water shook him, and he tumbled around and around underwater, before feeling something strike his head. The last few gasps of air he took before everything melted away into darkness were filled with the echoes of Hendrik crying out his name.

¤¤¤

_"Rab, look there. There's something stuck on the riverbank. Is that...a person?"_

_"Dear me lass, yer right! Hurry, let's havie look at 'em."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"Is he...dead?"_

_"...mmn, he's not lookin too good, but he has a pulse. C'mon, help me get 'em up, an' let's find some shelter. I reckon I can save 'em."_

_"Of course. This place is crawling with monsters. I'll help to cover for you too. Just please... do what you can for him."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mystery person @ end of chapter: mister, mister?? oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead
> 
> What is it with people jumping off cliffs for the Luminary?
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed, I always try to respond to all my comment and I appreciate those of you for sticking with me so far!
> 
> \- Psii


	5. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, two updates within the same week of one another? It's almost like I'm a responsible fic writer.
> 
> Nah in truth this one was just easier to write since it was just a quick thing about Hendrik's feelings due to recent events. Plus y'know, I'm considering this more an intermission than a full chapter.
> 
> I know I'm Meanie Ass to these boys but it's for character development! Pain is important.
> 
> \- Psii

He could only watch in disbelief as Jasper's limp body was pulled away from him in the roiling white waters below, a cloud of dark crimson emanating from his head. Was that movement in his limbs, struggling against the current, or was it simply the water moving his body, like a puppet mockery to him, standing left behind on the cliff? He didn't even think about potential danger of crawling down into the lower levels of the grove when he started to scan the cliff for any way down. Vaguely, he heard the voices of his fellow knights, who had been attracted by his yelling, as they all seemed gathered around waiting for him to give some kind of order. When he didn't find a clear way down, he started to frantically pull at the straps holding his armor and speed walking towards the edge of the waterfall, thinking to jump into the water to follow. At that, his men jumped into action, grabbing him back as he struggled to break free of their grip. Normally, they would not hope to match his strength. But the tremble in his limbs, making his body weak as a sick feeling settled in his stomach certainly worked in their favor.

"Sir Hendrik, no! You can't, you'll be-"

"I have to go after him. He's, he's floating away, let me go-"

"The monsters that live deep in the groove are much more fierce than the ones up here! We have to regroup and make a plan-"

"No, that'll take too long! Let me go, he'll have enough time to escape if we wait!!" The knights holding him slackened their grip. The rational part of him was kicking in as well, so he stopped trying to break free of them too. There was a clear uncomfortable silence, with the other knights standing about awkwardly, unwilling to deny (at least, out loud) the very real possibility that Jasper would not be getting up out of that river. It didn't matter, as Hendrik collected himself, breathing deeply in some attempt to have a sense of calm. It was a skill he wasn't unused to, and now was no different, packing away his personal emotions to get a job done. And that job was to find Jasper...in any condition. His knights stood to attention when he addressed them.

"You, take three or four knights with you, and search the upper level of the grove. You, take _no less_ than five knights with you, and establish a path down to the lower part of the grove. You, ride back to the castle and gather reinforcements. If the king questions you, inform him that I requested more men for a larger search. You two, come with me, we're going to attempt to follow the river and gauge the severity of the monsters below." As he spoke, the knights in question stood to attention, one after the other as he pointed to them. Giving out assignments helped to settle his mind and nerves, letting him think about something. Anything other than Jasper's lifeless body, broken and bloody, being carried away by the dark water. "When reinforcements arrive, we'll regroup and reorganize. We shall be out of here before the sun disappears below the horizon. Do you all understand?" They all saluted and nodded, with a few choruses of, "Yes, sir!" He watched them carry out his orders, all the while detached from everything happening. He glanced back down at the river below, black and murky, like the mouth of a beast.

If his men noticed the ferocity with which he attacked the monsters below, they did not comment on it.

¤¤¤

When it was barely an hour before sundown, and most of the knights had given up, he found what he was looking for. Or, a trace of what he was hoping to see. The two knights that were with him didn't speak, didn't dare to make a sound, and instead stood by silently as their commander carefully approached a spot on the muddy river bank.

There, faint but recognizable, was the indent of something that once laid there. Someone, it looked. The drying earth had faint, dark red stains, still a bit damp in the mud. Most telling of all, several large monster tracks scattered all over the place, and a clear drag mark where whatever was here was pulled away into the bush. If he were being willfully ignorant, this could be from anything. Any animal, any smaller monster, could've crawled up onto the riverbank, gotten into a fight with monsters, lost and was pulled away to be devoured. And yet the nausea in his gut increased when who was likely here settled heavy in his mind.

"...come, it is almost sundown," he said, not even bothering to look at the two knights with him. They knew he was speaking to them, and followed silently as he turned and trekked back up the castle. No words needed to be spoken. None existed to ease the deepening chasm tearing apart his heart.

¤¤¤

At the castle, he could tell his men were nervous around him. The maids were nervous around him. Anything directed at him felt like they were speaking as if he were made of glass, like he would shatter the second they said one thing wrong. They might be right to be worried, since he felt like a glass sculpture, sturdy but ready to shatter when struck just the wrong way. He held it together long enough to report back to the king, send his men to bed with plans to widen the search tomorrow, and get ready to unsuccessfully try to sleep. When he entered his room, a white box sitting on his desk caught his eye. He did not recall having put something there previously, but then again, everything from before that afternoon seemed so far away now. Going over to inspect it, he nearly fell apart as he opened the box, and the sugary scent of the creamed cake inside hit his nostrils.

It was a special order shortcake, ordered with extra cream and delicately wrapped in thin paper. He'd left the castle to buy it from the bakery just outside the gates, a trip that barely took him twenty minutes. When he'd returned to the castle, he'd stashed it in his room, hoping to present it to Jasper after coming out of his meeting with the king. Regardless of what the results had been, he'd wanted to give him something to congratulate him on his hard work recently. And now, in the evening after the events of that day...the realization sunk heavier on his shoulders, crushing him into a pile of despair.

He never got to give this to him.

_You will never get to give this to him_.

He entertained giving it to one of the castle staff. Or eating it himself. Both thoughts made him sick to his stomach, but less so than the thought of just throwing it away. Bile threatened to rise up his throat, forcing him to turn away. He'd barely taken two steps when his foot kicked something metallic across the room, clattering across the deafeningly silent room. When he looked, his eyes met with a pile of scattered golden white armor pieces. Jasper's armor, abandoned on the floor, with most of the pieces salvaged. He himself was the one to request they be delivered to his room before he took off after Jasper in the Manglegrove. He'd hoped that eventually, it could've been returned to him. Now...

...

...

...he had to leave.

¤¤¤

Obsidian was a brave horse. He followed him all the way into the Manglegrove without any trace of fear of the monsters that lurked about, and stood stoically by the tree Hendrik left him at. He was thankful for it, knowing he would still be there when he returned.

If any knights or servants saw him fleeing the castle in a state, he would not know. He didn't stop to talk to anyone as he left for the stables, trying not to show outwardly the tightening knot in his chest. Nobody certainly tried to stop him from taking Obsidian out the castle gates, armed but missing his armor. He'd hoped the ride to the grove would do something for his head. It did, at the cost of worsening his heart.

He broke through the treeline, and the familiar clearing met his gaze. Still damp, still small, still bordering the edge of a cliff, with only the sounds of the waterfall roaring nearby. The moon was bright overhead, casting a silvery blue light over everything. In the distance, the soft green of Yggdrasil could be seen. He let out a breath.

He didn't know what he hoped to do here. To find something? Some trace left behind? There was nothing to indicate what happened, nothing to mark this as the last place he saw his dearest friend. It felt like there should be some kind of sign, somewhere, to show that Jasper was here. To show he was living, breathing, talking, here. Of course, the forest did not care that he had been here, so why would there be. And he's not sure if he'd even want there to be something left behind if there could be. Wind rustled the trees, and he raised his eyes up, up towards the sky and stars. Up towards Yggdrasil.

"...Jasper? Have you...returned to Her?" Nothing answered him. He imagined Jasper's form melting away, turning into a light bright as the sun, returning to Yggdrasil and disappearing amongst her great leaves. _Disappearing from me._

"Why did you do it, Jasper? Did you not trust me? Did you not trust yourself? We could have helped you, why did you go..." Tears, gathering thick and burning hot against his cold face, blurred his view of the stars and Yggdrasil. He took in a trembling breath, feeling his throat close up, unable to stop them from tracing a path down his cheeks.

"Please...why did you go. Why did you...leave me behind..." His chest ached, heart torn asunder, feeling weak and alone. Maybe this is how Jasper had felt, right before plummeting to the cold water below.

"Tell me why...TELL ME _WHY!!"_

There was no one to answer. For the first time since that night, together in their still shared room, Hendrik crumpled down and wept. But unlike then, there was no one to sit there with him.

¤¤¤

_"In light of our recent loss, it has come to my attention that not even our knights are safe from the influence of the Darkspawn. That being the case, I would like for you to take this with you."_

_"I am honored, Your Majesty, but...what is it?"_

_"Simply a precaution. This shall keep you safe from dark magic that might attempt to affect you, which includes any form of possession. I have already lost one fine general of Heliodor...I will not lose another."_

_"Of...of course, my king. I shall keep it on me at all times."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *distant memories theme plays in the background*
> 
> No lie, that theme gives me big emotions about these two. I like to consider it Jasper's unofficial theme.
> 
> Next chapter is, as many of you guess, New Grandson time so, stay tuned for that, and leave a kudos/comment since I'm a validation whore and I read/respond to all of them.
> 
> \- Psii


	6. "Who Are You?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [*Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' playing in the background while I lay face down dead on the floor*]
> 
> Can you believe this year is almost over. This year took forever and no time at all at the same time. Wild.
> 
> \- Psii

When she'd spotted the shape of a man laying face down in the muddy riverbank of the lower portion of the Manglegrove, where she and Rab had been traveling, Jade was certain he was dead. His broken body was limp and lifeless, dark red seeping from a terrible looking wound on the back of his head, dying his blond hair a sick crimson. Monsters had already started attracting to the scent of fresh blood, as evidenced by the rustling of bushes nearby. She'd had no reason to believe he was alive when she pointed out the corpse to Rab...but she was proven wrong, for once. It was almost a relief to discover someone alive instead of cold and dead, long past saving, even if the stranger was in such poor condition. Thankfully, after she'd beaten one of the larger monsters down until it dissolved away in a thick purple haze, most of the less-brave creatures were unwilling to approach while Rab stabilized the young man, and got him breathing again. Still, she hadn't had the courage to hope, as they carried him out of the area and back to the abandoned cabin they'd been temporarily sheltering in. Many a sleepless night was spent by Rab, watching diligently over the man, careful to apply healing magic or medicinal herbs when necessary. They almost lost him, too, but Rab worked fervently to keep him alive. It seemed Yggdrasil wasn't ready to take him back, as on the night of the third day since finding him, the man seemed like he would be okay, at least according to Rab. During all that time, a question lingered in the back of her mind, an itch that she just couldn't scratch. It came back to her in quiet moments like now, carefully washing the stranger's shirt and pants the best she could given how stained the fine linen was with old blood and dirt, the morning sun warming the pond not too far from the cabin where the he lay.

Who was he? 

_And why does he seem so...familiar?_

Perhaps it was a regional effect. They _were_ quite close to Heliodor, her former home. It could be that something about his facial features, the style of his shirt, even the way he styled his hair was reminding her of some old forgotten memory, lingering in the back of her mind like a familiar but foreign presence. She'd yet to hear him speak, the most sound he'd uttered was a low moaning in his sleep, followed by a softly uttered, "No...don't...hurt him...", it being enough keep her up all that night at the thought of what had happened before they rescued him from that cold riverbank. Rab had taken what few possessions he'd had and kept them in another room, so that Jade could attempt to rub some blood out of his clothes. She'd only seen a pouch containing a few pieces of gold, a small knife and some kind of golden chain. That was nothing to indicate who he was, or why she had a strange mixture of emotions when she glanced at his sleeping face. It wasn't good to dwell on it, it could well be attached to a part of her past she didn't want to remember. Sighing, she squeezed as much water as she could from the shirt, and left it to dry on the stone lining the pond, stepping out of the water. It wasn't the only thing on her mind.

A day or so ago, Rab asked her to go into town and purchase some medicinal herbs, as well as some ingredients to make a poultice to stop infection. He'd run low after using most of his supplies to stop the man from expiring due to his injuries, and in his words: "Wouldn't due to have 'em die of infection after I stitched 'em up." Agreeing it was a good idea, she'd set out to town, only partially disguised in a travel coat (no one was looking for her these days), and did a bit of shopping. While there, she overheard two people talking, and it having been a small shop, she couldn't avoid listening.

"Some Heliodorian knights came by my house the other day."

"Did they? They were over at my place too."

"Yes, and they said they're looking for a fugitive."

"That's what they told me too! Did they ask to search your house?"

"Yes, and of course I let them have at it. While they did, they said that he's apparently quite dangerous, and might be acting suspiciously. I tried to ask them for more details, but they were being awfully cagey about the whole thing."

"Well, you know why that might be. Have you heard the rumor going around?"

"I haven't, why, does it have something to do with this fugitive?"

"Most definitely. They say, that this fugitive? Apparently it's a former knight of Heliodor, and that he made some kind of attempt on the king's life." Her throat had tightened, and she remembered that the noises and smells had gotten much sharper after the mention of that. Of her father.

"What?! Hogwash, either you are yanking my chain, or some else was yanking yours."

"It's the truth, I'm sure of it! A solider from Heliodor let this slip, and it was whispered down to me from a friend who lives uptown in the kingdom. I haven't a doubt in my mind that this is the truth."

"Well, be that as it may, what on earth would possess him to do such a thing? What did he hope to accomplish."

"According to the solider? He was suddenly taken by evil. He'd been influenced somehow by the Darkspawn, the root of all evil, and he'd tried to attack the king before making a run for it. I guess they think he ran after failing because he was trying to protect him from further harm? I didn't hear much about it after that part."

"How terrifying...and with monster attacks rising too! It seems no one anywhere is safe..." Whatever else of the conversation was lost when she ducked out of the shop and back into the grove, mind spinning with the new information. She'd told Rab about what she heard, but he'd only brushed it off, saying, "Now lass, we don't know if any of that is true. Bein' on our guard ain't a bad idea, but we got'a wait till he wakes up before we ask 'em any questions, aye?" She'd agreed, because of course, he was right, even if the itch grew stronger in the back of her mind.

Whoever he was, she had questions for him. And she hoped he was in the condition to answer when he awoke.

¤¤¤

There was someone at the door. She could hear them, talking to Rab, even from the room where she watched over the blond stranger in case he stopped breathing in his sleep. She couldn't hear what exactly they were talking _about_ , but she needn't wonder for long. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Rab entered the room with a worried look fixed between his furrowed brow and bushy mustache.

"Quick, lassie. Get 'em slid under the bed, won't ye?" She frowned at him, confusion no doubt written all over her face, but the look in his eyes told her now was not the time to question or argue. Doing her best to shuffle the man off the bed, wincing a bit as his limp neck caused his head to smack the wooden floor when she lowered him down, she pushed him under the flimsy bedframe. Lucky that he was so thin, he might not have fit otherwise. The sheets hanging down from the mattress obscured him from view, which Rab seemed satisfied with, because he helped her up as she dusted her knees off, and followed him out into the main room of the cabin. His reasons for wanting to hide his patient was standing in the doorway, looking idly around, dressed in blue and white. A Heliodorian knight. The second he laid eyes on Jade, his back straightened and his posture became visibly more professional. A reaction she got a lot, usually from young men like him.

"Apologies to disturb you and your grandfather, I was just telling him I am under orders by the king of Heliodor to search any houses in this area. We're looking for a fugitive, see." _So, the conversation from the shop was true._ She put on her best innocent act, softening her voice and pulling her face into false concern.

"Oh dear, that doesn't good at all! Please, come in." The knight reacted none too gracefully, stumbling forward into the room and glancing over everything rather carelessly, before checking both rooms in this tiny cabin. She hoped in her mind that he did not look under the bed, but his mind appeared to be elsewhere, namely her hovering around his shoulders. After he'd had a look in the second room and found nothing, he returned to the main room. Rab piped up as he did.

"This fugitive you mentioned, mind tellin' an auld man what he might look or act like? Is' just me an' my granddaughter out here, would appreciate knowin' what to look out fer." The knight seemed hesitant to answer, though he did eventually speak up.

"Blond hair, long, probably tied back. Slim build, golden eyes. It's possible he might be injured. As for what he's like...he's very clever, and a master manipulator. It's safe to say you should avoid even coming into contact with this man." Jade took a step forward, her hands held tighten to her chest like in prayer, a movement that the knight clearly followed if the twitch of his helmeted head was any indication.

"Forgive my asking sir, but is he truly that dangerous? What could he have done that has warranted this extreme a search?" Again, he hesitated. Not as long this time, she noticed, before lowering his voice to speak, as if hiding his next words from some invisible third party.

"Well-...now, you didn't hear this from me. But...the truth is, he made an attempt on the king's life, even managing to wound him, but not fatally so. The reasons for his doing so is unknown...but that is what we are hoping to glean by capturing him again. That being said, it is speculated he was possessed by evil to have committed such a heinous act, as his behavior following the attack was very bizarre. His Majesty has asked us to being him in alive if possible, so I ask you send word immediately if you come across any information or recent sighting of him. Please, do NOT engage with him. I would very much like for you- you _and_ your grandfather to stay out of harm's way, as he is unpredictable in his current state." She nodded along the whole time, still clasping her hands together, as if she were small and timid and not almost matching him in height.

"Yes sir, oh, thank you ever so much for telling me. I wish you luck in capturing this criminal, and we will be certain to let you know if we see something." The rest of the interaction was menial, mainly the knight taking a very long time to leave, only doing so when Jade faked being sleepy from having been woken from an afternoon nap. As soon as the door was closed, and they were both entirely positive he had long since left, she looked at Rab, a storm of emotions brewing inside her. Before she could express any of it, Rab let out a low noise, and gestured back at the room.

"If ye would, please...return our guest back to his bed. Then...I've somethin' to show ye." Obliging, she made quick but careful work sliding the man out from under to unto the bed, then joining Rab at a table in the main room. He was silent, delicately picking his words. Slowly, he pulled out the gold chain she recognized as belonging to the man, and placed it on the table, and wordlessly, she looked at it. On the end of the chain was a polished golden locket. Whether it opened, she did not know, but what caught her eye was the crest on the front. A two-headed eagle. _The mark of Heliodor._ She brought her eyes up to Rab.

"A knight?" He said nothing still, and only gestured back to the locket. When looking back down at it didn't garner a new reaction, he finally spoke up.

"Indeed, a knight. But take a closer look at it. Doesn' it remind ye of someone?" He wasn't going to be telling her anytime soon, so she examined it closer, this time actually picking it up. The second it was in her hands, she felt the way the metal was engraved on the back, the raised eagle pressing against her thumbs, and she remembered.

_'See this locket, princess? Your father gave it to us when you were born. That was the day we made a promise to become the greatest knights of Heliodor, and to protect you till the end of our days.'_

A man like a castle, towering over her, but always crouching down to look her in the eyes with a soft gaze and softer smile. A man with broad shoulders and strong hands, riding upon those shoulders as his strong hands held her in place, never letting her fall.

_Hendrik._

But no, that wasn't right. The man that lay in the bed in the other room was not Hendrik. There's no way she could've failed to recognize him. So, if not him, then who was he? She tried to recall the entire scene.

_As he spoke, someone called out to them. Someone with a sharp voice, sharp like Hendrik's sword. Hendrik stood up, and they both looked at the man entering the garden where they had been playing a minute ago. Hair long golden silk, face shrewd like the clever looking cats from her storybooks. He always pretended to not be interested in interacting with her, but he slide her hard candies when her father wasn't looking, and sassed a noble man's son for picking on her. Most of all, he was always at Hendrik's side, inseparable, unbreakable. Two beings made one._

_Jasper._

The realization must've shown on her face, because Rab said, "You remember, then. I wasnae sure ye would, but I wanted to at least try jog yer memory." She shook her head, disbelief and anger and confusion churning like a raging sea in her stomach, and stared at him.

"I...don't understand. Why would...why would Jasper...why would he attack my father-...the king? Did he change, like he did, after Dundrasil, or is it true he was possessed. And if so, is it safe that he's here with us? What if he-" Her spiraling thoughts were washed away, cool rain on a roaring fire, by Rab's calloused hand resting over her's. She hadn't even realized she'd been gripping the locket so tightly.

"I don' think he's much in the condition to do anythin' of the sort yer thinkin' of, even if he's not on Death' door. Besides, that's a lotta 'what if's ye thought there. We don' know if everythin' we've been told or heard is completely true. Fer now, I think keepin' an eye on 'em until he wakes up is the best thing to do. We can ask 'em all the questions we like once he's awake. Even if he doesnae answer, he's not gettin' too far on that ankle of his." She nodded, because of course, he was right. She slipped the chain into her pocket, feeling it pressed against her leg. A cold reminder of the questions laid heavy in her chest.

She hoped he would awaken soon.

¤¤¤

One time, when Jasper was a younger man, he had almost drowned. The seas of Puerto Valor were calm enough on most days, but that day, a storm raged overhead, turning the water black and boiling like a great beast. That beast had swept Jasper right off the dock as he was attempting to help corral some soliders into tying down the boat they'd just arrived on, having returned from overseas. Normally, he had no fear of the ocean, but that morning, with the sun barely peeking above the horizon and the sky dyed dark with clouds, he learned to be afraid. The way the ocean sucked him down into the depths, uncaring about his tiny feeble body, thrashing him about until he was dizzy from spinning over and over himself, the last of his held breath being forced out of him. Everytime he managed to resurface, the waves pummeled him back, like forcing him to accept his fate. If not for his fellow knights' quick thinking, throwing him a line the second there was a lull in waves, he'd be a floating corpse drifting near shore. Two other men had gotten washed away with him. One didn't make it. After that, he learned to respect the ocean, and he thought he would never experience the feeling of sinking into darkness again.

He was partially right. When he jumped off that cliff, ignoring Hendrik's yells to stop, he was tossing about for but a moment before everything went black, and he was sinking in the darkness once again. He had briefly entertained the thought he was sinking deeper into some underwater cavern. But almost at once, he dismissed it, because being pulled down into a watery grave that couldn't possibly feel this warm. He was slipping, sliding away like into a warm bath, everything from his body to his mind vanishing and becoming part of the darkness. He was tired, and this blackness soothed away all of his pain. _Content_. He _would've_ been content, to disappear, but he remembered why he was here, if 'here' was the appropriate word. So instead, he clung to the lifeline, the only connection back to what must be the world of the living. The memory of a face so familiar, a smile meant for only him. Vulnerable, open. _Trust_. Trust that he had betrayed. He hoped one day, Hendrik could understand. It wasn't easy, to hold on. Many times, the agony that wracked him almost convinced him to let go of the line. Nightmares and fake future visions plagued his head, jumbled and messy, but all ending the same. In the end, Hendrik dies, because of his failure. And not only had he betrayed his trust, but he failed to protect him anyways. However, Jasper was stubborn, and in response, he only clung tighter, tighter, until...

...

...

There was light, hanging above him. It penetrated through his eyelids, stinging his eyes, making him more and more aware of many things. Like how dry his mouth felt, or how sore his body was. There was a dull pain on the back of his head, and that's not to speak on the one _inside_ his head. Opening his eyes was a chore; it took him several tries before he was able to even focus on the ceiling above him. So he was inside. Some kind of dingy old cabin, abandoned in the middle of forest nowhere, perhaps. The more he lay there, feeling like he'd gotten trampled by Obsidian, the more details of the world around him sharpened. He was in a bed, and he smelled the familiar scent of that kind of medicinal mint healing herbs had. How did he get here? Did he...drag himself to some cabin, and forget he did so? But no...he didn't have any herbs on him. Had he been rescued by some unknowing person who lived in the woods? That seemed more likely, they probably didn't know he was a wanted man, and just saw a poor broken bastard dying in the woods. Or...did they know? The beginnings of panic started to nip at his heels. _What if they did know?_ He sat up as quickly as he dared. Taking deep breathes in and out to calm the rapidly rising tension in his chest, he tried to regain his bearings faster. There was an open window to his left. The door to the room was closed, and there were voices coming from the other side. He listened, straining his ears for any detail he could gather. It sounded like there were three, at most. One had a thick accent that was vaguely familiar, the other was softer and feminine. The last he couldn't place, but it sounded authoritative. _A knight_ , his mind supplied. Instantly, his own paranoia kicked in, frantic once again. Some rational part of his brain tried to reason, he didn't hear the voice or the other ones say it was a knight. Hell, he didn't even hear them say ANYTHING, really. Being forced to run for one's life for most of an afternoon and not knowing if he was safe was quite a large monster that had taken residence in his head however. Some kinda of animal instinct to survive kicked in, and he couldn't hear his rational brain desperately trying to ease him away from another metaphorical cliff. _They're going to turn me in. They have to know I'm a wanted criminal in Heliodor. How could they not?_ He had to leave, but there was no where to go. Well, at least not by door. Despite not being too keen on doing this again, he swung his legs over the bed, and stood up...only to collapse back in pain. His ankle felt like liquid fire, sending jolts up his leg. _That's right, remember the first window jumping stunt?_ It was all he could do to not scream. The fear was really starting to set in now, he couldn't have made it this far only to get sent right back to where he came from. Right back to that monster.

_You don't know if that'll happen._

_**But it could.** _

He stood up again, this time bracing for the pain, gritting his teeth and limping over to the window. Swinging one leg out of it, he tried to lower himself onto the ground below as quietly as possible. He did a pretty good job too, until he knocked the wooden shutters with his shoulder on the way down, which made a deafeningly loud noise. Faintly, he heard the talking stop, followed by a loud, "What was that?" Cussing himself out, dragging his shaky body to the treeline, he ducked behind a large tree base and tried to breathe quieter. Behind him, the voices were clearer now, no doubt standing by the window he'd just leapt out of (he hoped this wouldn't become a common occurrence), and he heard one say, "Must've been the wind." Heart pounding in his throat, he reach up, trying to grab at his locket for some kind of comfort or reassurance...to find it missing. His gut twisted and soured, and he looked around frantically, not seeing it anywhere in the grass. Had he dropped it?? Maybe it fell off of him when he jumped into the river. He would never find it if so. His heart sank, no longer in his throat but dropping right down into his stomach. Hearing the voices get distant and muffled, he dared to peek from behind the tree. No one was in the room, at least from his view inside the window. Spying another window to a different room, he thought of the possibility of the cabin owners taking the locket. He could've easily lost it at any point of being tossed around in the white water, but equally as likely, whoever rescued him could've taken it. _Could have sold it_. It took him barely a second to realize his knife and gold was gone too. He was stripped of everything except the clothes on his back. He was going to need those just as much as his locket, and they wouldn't be so easily lost to the river. The pain he'd been feeling changed, boiling hot in his chest, a fire fueled by rage as he thought of what they might've done with it. If they had indeed sold it, or else damaged it...he hoped his aim was steady enough to level a Zam at them.

Even filled with a new angry determination, he waited for a while to see if anyone would leave the cabin. Every second was agony, but he wanted to be sure that there was as little people in there as possible, in case he needed to fight. He was painfully aware of the fragile state he was in...but he had to try. Listening for any change in sound, he could've sworn he heard a horse trotting away, and even then, he waited longer.

...

...Nothing. He couldn't wait for long, he needed to get some distance once he salvaged whatever he could. He hobbled back over to the second window to the other room, seeing as a cursory look about the room he'd been in hadn't shown any of his possessions sitting about. He was going to get his locket back, even if it killed him. _What a foolish way to die._

Call him a fool then.

¤¤¤

"I don't understand...where could he have gone?"

The spectrum of emotions Jade felt in the past hour probably wasn't good for her. At least Rab seemed calm about the situation. Calmer than her, anyways. They had been talking to a Heliodorian solider, the same one from last time, who had come to update them on the hunt for the fugitive she now knew was Jasper. Specifically, that the search for him was turning into a search for a corpse rather than a living man. He'd asked them to keep it to themselves, but insinuated that it was likely he was dead given the "evidence". She supposed that they might've come across the remains of where he'd been lodged in the riverbank with monster tracks everywhere and assumed the inevitable, had he lain there unconscious without Rab's care. That was when they had heard a clatter from the bedroom Jasper was resting in. The knight had pushed his way in, something that had her tensed and ready to react if need be, only to find the room empty with an ajar window. Rab, bless his quick thinking, mentioned he left the window open, and the wind probably knocked the shutters. It seemed enough of an explanation for the solider, leaving soon after. Now, she and Rab stood in the main room, both of them bewildered at the disappearance of their patient.

"Aye, I'm at a loss too. I had left the window open, but I cannae imagine he would escape very far with his injuries." She walked over to the door as he spoke, formulating a plan in her head.

"Come, he probably hasn't left the immediate area. We should search around the back before-" Whatever she was going to say next was drowned out by a loud thud in the other room, followed by a yowl. They frowned at each other, each just as confused.

"What was that? A...sabercat?"

"I don't think a monster could get in like that, but I s'ppose it wouldn't hurt to check."

"Right. Be ready then, just in case."

"Aye. On three. One, two..."

¤¤¤

...There! No wait, that was a golden colored hairtie. Damnit, where was it?? After his less than elegant re-entrance into the house, Jasper knew he didn't have much time before the occupants of the cabin came investigating. The second room had a bed, a large pack, and a desk that several things lay on. Mostly medical equipment and the odd effect, but he couldn't see his locket anywhere. He didn't even care if he couldn't find his knife or the scant amount of gold he'd had, he wasn't leaving without it. Clattering around and knocking items over wasn't exactly concealing his presence as he grew desperate by the second. He was barely able to keep upright on his lame ankle, so it came as no surprise that he almost tipped over when he heard the door open behind him and he whipped around too quickly. Two people were standing there, a tall young woman with long black hair, and a short older man with an impressive mustache. They were both standing with their hands out in a defensive stance, and he lunged for them. A bit of an overreaction, even he had admit, but it hardly mattered anyways as the girl easily pushed him away, sending him stumbling backwards, falling against the wall in some attempt to prop himself up. His head was really pounding now, making him feel dizzy and a little bit sick. He could hear her talking, but from far away, like she was standing on the other side of the cabin rather than three feet away.

"What are you doing??" Still disoriented, he feebly took a step forward, face pulled into a snarl.

"Give...it...back..." Her face swam into view. She was frowning.

"'It'? What's 'it'?" He took another step, growling when his ankle protested at the action.

"My...give it...it's more important...you..." _What on Erdrea am I saying._ He was speaking nonsense. Even if she did have it, she wouldn't know what he's trying to ask _for_. Only...maybe she did. Because a look of recognition dawned on her face. She (slowly) reached into her pocket, and held out her hand. Sitting in her palm, was his locket. He snatched it from her, and she pulled her hand back sharply as soon as he did. He wasn't looking at her anymore, instead curling his body around his locket, looking at it. It was undamaged, looking just as it always has. He ran his thumb over the eagle on the front, and he felt his face soften. A slow, agonized breath left him, a sigh of relief. Keeping to his chest, he tried to straight up, to ask questions. To demand answers. Only for his body to finally give up with his little escape attempt, sending him slumping to the floor. From the doorway, he heard the older man say, "Och, now he's gone an' dunnit. Let's get him back to bed," followed by a soft, "Alright." He felt hands lifting him up from under the arms, being propped up on someone's shoulder. Sounds and sensations and sights felt like they were coming to him as if he were underwater, and his mumble of, "don't...touch me..." was met with no response. Having the mind to try and breath to clear his quickly fogging up head, he concentrated on that to avoid thinking about his body reminding him of all the injuries he'd just aggravated. Feeling the cushion of a bed on his back, he took the opportunity to squint up at the two. Strangely, they both seemed awfully familiar, but he chalked it up to his pain addled mind making that up to feel some kind of comfort of being in the care of complete strangers. The old man spoke up.

"Laddie? Can you hear me?" Jasper grumbled low in his throat.

"I'm not deaf, old man. I can hear you just fine." The girl behind him visibly bristled, and spoke up.

"Excuse you, that 'old man' saved your life, so you out to be more grateful." Said man paid no mind to his short tone, and just continued speaking.

"Aye, but ye did take quite a blow to yer noggin. I was able to patch ye up, but let's maybe keep the window escapes to a minimum. I heard they aren't good for the healing process." He wanted to make a snappy retort, but he did consider the girl's statement. Instead, he just looked between the two of them, still with a suspicious scowl.

"...right. And how am I supposed to know I can trust either of you?" The girl looked like she was going to say something as mean as what he'd originally been planning to say, but the old man spoke up first.

"Well, let's start with introductions then, how's that? My name's Rab, an' this is Jade. An' you are?" He didn't answer. Behind Rab, Jade spoke up. Her quiet voice didn't match the fire in her eyes.

"We already know that you're a fugitive. And trust me, if we wanted to turn you in, you would've been carted off back to Heliodor days ago. So quit the defensive act." The mention of days put a halt to his mental train. Days? How many days?

"How long have I been unconscious?" Rab was the one to answer him.

"I'd say about a week, give or take a day. It was certainly dicey the first three days, an' I almost lost ye once or twice. But yer stubborn, an' so am I. I'm sure ye'll be alright now, if you just give yerself the time to heal." Jasper was silent for a long while. The fight he'd been feeling was starting to ebb away, leaving him feeling very tired and small, all at once. So it's been days since he escaped. Like his thoughts often wandered to, he thought about Hendrik. He wondered what he felt. He imagined he would be stoically carrying on. Secretly, he hoped for him to be sad with his departing, yet not wishing grief upon him. He tried to focus on Rab. Despite his earlier remarks, he was still civil enough to have manners, and so he spoke up.

"...I owe you my thanks, for saving my life. Do try to not take my earlier comment personally." Jade behind him snorted, and he had to bite his tongue from starting at her. Rab just chuckled.

"I won't, laddie." His consciousness was starting to slip away from him again, water between his fingers. In a voice that was more a soft mumble than anything, he spoke up.

"...Jasper."

"What's that?"

"...my name. It's Jasper." Rab smiled, if the crinkling in the corners of his eyes were any indication. If he didn't know better, he might even say there was a certain fondness there.

"Jasper, then. I promise yer safe with us. Get some rest now. We can talk more when yer better." The world slipped away, the dull aches and pain slipping away too. It was dark once again, unlike the one from before. This was warm, careful in handling him, like the embrace of a long forgotten comfort. Safe, protected.

_Loved_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jade: anybody ever tell you your locket look like sir hendrik's?
> 
> jasper: ...nah they usual it looks like sir jasper's 
> 
> jade: who the fuck is that???
> 
> jasper: me, bitch-
> 
> Okay so this chapter wasnt what I wanted it to be but!!!! Whatever I guess at least I posted it.
> 
> As always, leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed, I'll try to have the next chapter put as soon as I can.
> 
> \- Psii


	7. A Promise Made With A Flower: "See You Soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [*dies again but I'm brought back by the power of rat*]
> 
> Christmas season murdered me, but I'm back baby! And I'm sappier than ever. I might be replaying DQ11 to remember some early chapter details, and making plans for future chapters. This fic is turning out way longer than I originally intended it to be, but honestly that just how my fics are, I just write however much feels right.
> 
> Anyways, get ready for like, a lot of Hurty followed by Somft. It's important for Jasper to learn that people care about him and want him to be happy and not just make him feel like dirt everytime he shows insecurity so that he gives into his "shadow" and turns to evil [*beats Mordegon with a stick as I say this*].
> 
> As always, leave a kudos and a comment, I respond to every comment (or try to at least), and I love seeing that people read this mess! We all love mess (the mess is Jasper).
> 
> \- Psii

The next few times Jasper regained consciousness, Rab was usually the one sitting at his bedside. He would either check on his injuries when he was awake to gauge his level of pain, or force food and water into him. There was no luxury of being picky about his meals, but it's not as if he would be, since the first time Rab presented him with some of soup, he was so ravenous he could've eaten a whole orc. The concept of time eluded him, if he had to guess, he wanted to say it's been four more days since he originally awoke. In that time, Jade would intermittently trying to talk to him and get information of some kind. Even in their display of kindness caring for him, he was obviously reluctantly to trust them. After all, he knew nothing but their names. Saving his life might've been a good reason to not attempt a third escape from the window, however it didn't mean he had to tell them anything. Their care was none the less appreciated, and when he was able to stop passing out in the middle of conversations and could stand on his ankle without assistance, he began to think about his next move, something he'd been putting off for a while. After all, the only thing that had mattered was getting away from Heliodor and the knights. Now that he'd mostly successfully done that, he considered what to do next. He was deep in his thoughts when Rab entered the room, opening the window to let morning light filter in, sitting down and giving him a plate of food that contained meat somewhere because his stomach growled with interest. He waited for Jasper to finish a majority of it before he spoke up.

"I cannae help but notice Jade's been really puttin' ye through the ringer." He paused in his chewing, swallowing the current mouthful he had. His throat suddenly felt dry, but he endeavored not to show any sign of being rattled. Looking up, he made eye contact with Rab, who was just sitting there quietly for his response. Something about this old man always put Jasper on edge, like a presence of some kind. Not bad, just like he took up more space in a room than he did. It was idle thought in the background of him trying to come up with a response.

"...I suppose I should not blame her for being curious, much as it _is_ a little unwelcome." He felt his eyes narrow, suspicious at the topic being brought up at all. "Do not tell me now you are going to start interrogating me." Rab just chuckled, reaching up to pull something hung around his neck out from where it was tucked under his shirt.

"Interrogate isnae the exact word I would choose, but I do want to ask some questions. But I understand yer concern with keepin' quiet, so here. I'll give ya a sign ye can trust me and Jade. After all..." He finally fished out some kind of jewel on a chain, and placed it in his palm for Jasper to see. "...it's just like you to be cautious." He had been intending to question what Rab meant by that, at least until he caught sight of the iridescent jewel attached to a delicate gold chain. It shone luminescent blue and green, the color of the sea on a sunny day, with a carefully laid insignia inside. He barely needed to look at it for a few seconds before it clicked into place. It had been many years since he'd seen him, but the memory was coming back now, being a young man and barely made a fully fledged knight, meeting for the first time in person the royal family of the then thriving kingdom Dundrasil. The queen Eleanor, her recently wedded husband king Irwin, and the former king...who was sitting across from Jasper is a bemused expression. A degree of the horrible realization must have crept onto his face to garner that reaction, since the heat crawling up his neck, past his cheeks and to his ears would no doubt show like a beckon on his paled skin. He recalled the past two weeks, the times he'd snapped or been irritable, the incident involving being sick into a bucket because of his concussion. And all the while, the king of Dundrasil sat there patiently, fed him when he couldn't feed himself, carefully stitching him back together from the pieces he'd fallen apart into.

...

......

.........

This was the worst day of his life.

Rab seemed to find his reaction amusing, because he slipped the necklace back on, laughing not unkindly at him, sitting there frozen with embarrassment and shame. He took the empty plate from him before he could let it slid to the floor, and just continued with his previous thought.

"Don't think too hard on it, laddie. It doesnae matter much who I used to be, not while the kingdom I once governed is naught but ash an' rubble. Since I'm certain ye understand you and I are on the same page, do ye mind tellin' me what you know? Yggdrasil brought you to me, and I imagine it's to tell me what they chased ye out of Heliodor fer." The blush staining his cheeks lessened a bit, and he frowned when he heard that last part of that.

"'Yggdrasil brought you to me'? What does that mean?" Rab looked out the window, and so did he. The World Tree was just barely visible in the sky, cresting over the trees, peeking back at them like it knew they spoke of it.

"I'm sure ye know all channels water comes from Yggdrasil. It flows from her roots, like lifeblood, gatherin' in rivers an' streams that flow down the landscape of Erdrea, the veins of this land. I like to imagine it is her doing that kept ya from perishing in that river, bringing you along to someplace where ye'd be found by someone who could help. She may not be able to offer aid beyond this...but yer alive, an' I'm sure you've heard me say it's nothing short of a miracle ye didn't leave us for good." Jasper stared at Yggdrasil, sitting benignly in the sky. He thought idly that perhaps if she did want to help, maybe she could've given him some kind of sign to flee Heliodor before he became Erdrea's most wanted man. That being the case...perhaps if he had left earlier, he'd have never found out about "Carnelian"'s true nature. Speaking of...

"There is something I should share with you," he said, tearing his eyes away from the window to look at Rab. "It's about...King Carnelian. Or rather...what pretends to be him." Before he could continue, Rab held up a hand. He fell silent, a little miffed at being cut off like that, but Rab was quick to explain his interruption.

"Forgive me, lad. I just wannae call Jade in here, since this information...well, I think she would want to know, as a more closely linked party. Let me just fetch 'er real quick, then you can continue." He watched him get up and leave, taking the plate with him. Why would Jade be interested in knowing this? He supposed anyone would, but Rab had mentioned "related party". There wouldn't be any reason for it to pertain to her, unless...

His thoughts barely had time to build momentum before Rab re-entered, Jade in tow. Jasper didn't really meet her eyes, a bit sore over their last interaction. A few bitter words had been snapped in her direction, ones he now wished he could take back, if she was who he thinks she is. She must be quick to forgive, or else she didn't care in that moment, because no trace of anything sour lingered in her expression. Instead, she looked serious and focused, arms crossed over her chest in a now very familiar fashion. _She may be bigger...but some things never change._ He wasn't even entirely certain of his theory, but Jade was, because his thoughts were confirmed when she said, "What do you know about my father?"

"You would simply trust me to know the dangerous knowledge that the king is your father? What if I had turned out to be a stranger?"

"If you _were_ a stranger, I would have picked my words more carefully, but I know who you are. And as it stands, you're more annoying than dangerous, so tell me what you know." _Ah, there is the good old quick-wit. Encouraging she hasn't lost it._

"Still a mouthy brat, I see."

"Still a pretentious prick, I see."

"Entitled."

"Whiny."

"Kids." Rab interrupted, smoothly between their banter. Right, business first, catching up later.

"Apologies, your Majesty."

"Rab will do. Don't have many people callin' me that anymore."

"...Rab. As I was saying, the man who calls himself King Carnelian is not, in fact, the king of Heliodor. Whoever...whatever he is, he pretends, wearing the skin of Carnelian, bidding his time for...something, I do not know. He claims to have been the one responsible for the destruction of Dundrasil...and further yet, the destruction of Zwaardrust. I've had a suspicion for years, that the king I once served was no where in those castle walls...but I never had an opportune moment to pry any truth out of the imposter. I had feared that should I try, I would only end up losing my life in exchange." He looked down at his hands, resting on the bedsheets covering his legs. He recalled the feeling he felt in the office, an overwhelming presence of something evil and wrong, shadowing him and making him so very small. He suppressed a shiver. "What I learned...is barely scratching the surface of a greater beast. And what it did cost me...was everything." Silence followed his words, thick and uncomfortable. Jade said nothing, and though he did not look at her, Jasper had the feeling that she was carefully processing his claim. He idly wondered if she would even believe him, if she could believe such an impossible thing. The seconds dragged on into what felt like hours, until finally, cutting through the oppressive atmosphere, Rab spoke. His tone was strangely soft.

"How long did you know?" He gripped the sheets tight in his fists, knuckles turning white.

"...since Dundrasil. When he started shouting about some 'Darkspawn', ranting like a madman about how it had caused all the pain and suffering...I knew that wasn't my king. He believed in the Luminary more than anyone, even King Irwin- and the Luminary was his own son!" He lifted his eyes again, to Yggdrasil, remembering the night Carnelian woke both Hendrik and he, guiding their eyes to the tree and the shining light it exuded, and told them about the hero born to save Erdrea. "I know who Carnelian is. And if the man who calls himself king says that the Luminary will bring nothing but darkness to us all...then he is no king of mine." More silence. He wished Jade would say something, so he looked at her. Her face was unreadable, even to his discerning eye. He was about ready to look away again, when she let out a low breath, one that he hadn't seen she'd been holding, and finally spoke.

"You were right to leave." He blinked, a little nonplussed at her reaction. She clarified, wether in response to his face or just continuing her statement. "Rab always thought something wasn't right with him, which is why he and I have been keeping away from Heliodor. Eventually...I did not want to go back. Everytime we heard what my f-...what that imposter had next been claiming about the Luminary, it only solidified my resolve. However-" Her face softened, and the corners of her mouth curled upwards. It was reserved, nothing more than a curt grin, but a smile none the less, bringing forth with it a unique ache, a stinging pain not dissimilar to when he thought of Hendrik. "-it is reassuring, in a strange way, to hear it hasn't been in vain. For that...I suppose you have my thanks." Jasper only grumbled in response, looking away with heat sitting high on his cheeks.

"You've nothing to thank me for. Thank me when I've actually found out something worth your time." Rab chuckled low in his chest, the ice hanging in the air melting away, filling Jasper with a warm feeling. It embraced him, bright like the sun, wrapping itself around him and lessening the blackened void in his heart.

"It already is, laddie. And so are you."

_Belonging_.

He wanted to belong.

¤¤¤

"I'm going to be heading to Puerto Valor. I wish to hitch a ride on a boat to Sniflheim. Maybe I could learn something from the library there, anything about beings with the power to destroy kingdoms, or if that sort of event has happened in the past before Dundrasil or Zwaardrust. I might even be able to find a name, if I am lucky."

"Not a bad plan, laddie. Though, ye mean _we_ are goin' to Puerto Valor."

"...What? No, I can get there on my own, it isn't even that far of-"

"And how do you suppose you're going to make it there with no weapon, barely any gold and not even a proper set of clean clothes?"

"I don't need your help, princess."

"Jade. And yes you do. Might as well give up being stubborn now, we aren't going to change our minds."

"She's right about that, ye know we aren't about to let ye go out there on yer own when ya got barely a gold to yer name. Before you even suggest it, it's not pity. We're on the same side, an' that means we take care of each other, whether ya like it or not."

"...fine. Just don't get in my way."

¤¤¤

How funny that statements made without foresight of the future have come back to bite him. Being a smartass hardly pays off, it seems.

One often hears stories about characters being on the run. About runaway royalty and traveling outlaws, escaping from something or someone in a journey towards an unknowable future. Jasper himself had had quite a few story books including these personalities, carefully filed by title and genre, holed away where he might have the time to pluck them from their place on his bookshelf and read them, either alone or with company. The number of volumes he had decreased as he grew older and convinced himself that they were unnecessary in the presence of his ever growing books on tactics, magic and military literature, but he held onto one stubbornly, a worn old novel about a fugitive hero escaping an evil king so that he might become strong and defeat him another day. It had been his favorite, one of the only things that his mother gave him that he took with him to Heliodor. None of her possessions nor his were kept for him when she died, and so he'd kept it carefully hidden in his desk, having memorized the story written into those fading pages, still imprinted unto his soul like a lasting memory of his mother's love. It was the first thing he shared with Hendrik, it was the last story they read together before he was sent to study in Puerto Valor and Jasper to Sniflheim. And now, it was an imitation of his current situation, wanted dead by a wretched villain king while he desperately ran for his life, hoping only to return when he'd gotten the strength defeat him. Back then, when he read this story with Hendrik, they imagined what it'd be like to be heroes on the run, scrapping and scrounging for food and shelter across the untamed countryside, wild and free. The reality of being a wanted man mocked the childish memory, and he folded his legs closer to himself, his right arm hot from facing the fire too long while his left was cold from his soaked sleeve, still wet from his fall into the pond.

Right, the pond. Surprising no one and especially not himself, living with one's head down in the rough terrain was not glamorous, and instead an unpleasant mixture of being cold, cramped and riddled with fear of being found out. He wasn't exactly built to fit in, both in common society and in wilderness, and he was paying dearly for deciding that he didn't need to learn the fine details of field skills like say, how to catch his own dinner. Feeling that crushing weight of self-loathing and guilt coming back to settle in its familiar spot on his chest, he buried his face in his knees and failed to expel the incoming wave of shame.

_Why can't you do anything right._

It couldn't have just been him owing his life to the princess of Heliodor and king of Dundrasil- ... _Jade_ and _Rab_ , he reminded himself, as wrong as it felt to think or say- it was also how he apparently failed in every measurable way at carrying his weight in this group. Two days after they left the cabin where Rab brought him back from the beyond and had made it clear he stubbornly refused to part with Jasper until he'd reached the docks of Puerto Valor, they got ambushed by a group of assorted monsters. When one of them made a lunge for Jade, he'd thrown himself in front of her to protect her, only to be sent tumbling in the dirt. Maybe it was instinctual, still believing he was wearing his armor. Maybe he wanted to prove to someone that he was still a knight of Heliodor, keeping that promise he made to the real Carnelian that he would always keep his daughter safe. Maybe he was still trying to prove to him that he could be just as strong as Hendrik. Whatever his reasons, they were for naught, because Jade and Rab quickly dispatched the remaining monsters while he tried to pick himself up off the dusty ground. Rab had a fit after it was over, checking him over to see if he had exacerbated his injuries, which he had not. Jade similarly didn't appreciate the stunt, and was not afraid to let him know. _"I am not some helpless little girl. I can take care of myself, so worry about your own health right now. You're the one that almost died."_ It was meant to put his worries at rest, but he couldn't help the subtle sting that came with the lecture.

_She doesn't need you._

Four days since they left the cabin, they broke out of the treeline of the Manglegrove, and into Champs Sauvage. A small village had presented itself on their path to Puerto Valor, giving Jasper a chance to purchase better traveling clothes, two decently priced swords and an actual bag so he wasn't carrying loose items in his pants pockets. This was done with some lended gold by his traveling companions, a fact of which made him feel worse by what happened next. He'd barely taken two steps out of the shop when he spotted two Heliodorian knights. Just foot soliders by the looks of it, but the sight of the familiar blue uniform had him tensing up. If that wasn't enough, he distinctly overheard his name being said. In what context, he didn't know, because he attempted to duck behind an apple barrel, and instead knocked the whole damn thing over. Truly, it had been an accident, since it instead drew the attention of the knights he'd been so desperate to avoid the gaze of. The ensuing commotion allowed plenty of cover to make a tactical retreat, ducking into hiding. Only then, did he realize what a spectacle he must've made for no reason. Jade had to come get him from his place tucked behind crates in a dirty alleyway, assuring him that no, the knights hadn't noticed him, and the only person out for him was the fruit seller to who the apples belonged to. It was an overreaction and he knew it, his face burning and his stomach twisting. As Jade took him back to where Rab was waiting, and they all left town together, anger at his own actions churned in his gut, a sour taste rising in the back of his throat.

_You are holding them back._

The pond was the last straw. All Rab had asked him was to see if he could fish up some dinner, and what did he do? Stand around in knee deep water, a wading pool he'd dammed on both ends, holding a sharpened stick for two hours like some gormless nave, occasionally stabbing it down to discover he'd caught mud and disappointment. When the sun was just about set, he finally caught a fish, decent sized and edible looking, only to have it stolen by a sabercub when he threw it up on shore to catch another. In a haste to try and stop it, he slipped and fell on the algae-covered river stones, barely catching it by the tail. Rab had come running at that time, thinking he was being attacked by the amount of angry shouting from him and yowling from the cat. In the end, he lost his grip on it, and it scampered off, his fish still in its teeth. Rab had just laughed it off and told him he scrounged up some mushrooms to make dinner, bringing him back to where Jade had gotten a fire going and was tending to a pot of soup, the sight of which filled his stomach with further rocks.

_They don't need you._

That voice was back, the one that visits him deep in the night, feeding the thorn in his heart. These days, it sounded less and less like himself, and more like a stranger living in his brain entirely. A nameless, faceless shape for the blackness in his soul.

_They never needed you. No wonder you never had any hope of catching up to **him** , just look at you. Did you ever think you were going to be anything? Your mother knew it then, she left you behind. You're nothing, you have nothing, and now, you're-_

"Ye haven't touched yer food, lad. Are ye feelin' alright?" 

He opened his eyes. The view that greeted him was one of his knees, so he looked up at the voice speaking to him, which was Rab sitting across the fire. He looked at the bowl with thin mushroom soup sitting next to him, no doubt lukewarm with how long he'd left it sitting there on the grass. As much as the smell called to his gnawing hunger, the lump choking up his throat killed any appetite he had. He turned his head away from the bowl, unwilling to look at it or Rab now, and rested his forehead on his knees.

"...I am not hungry." In a bid to protest against his statement, his stomach growled its displeasure. He only tightened up more, pulling the knot closed so he didn't fall apart into a flimsy, mangled mess. No matter how badly he wanted to. The silence that followed was deafening, stretching on for minutes, until he heard an annoyed sigh belonging to the other person here.

"Throwing a tantrum about the fish won't get it back. Eat your soup, you're still recovering." She was right, he knew it. He was being childish, pretending that if he didn't eat, things would change. That's not _all_ it was about, but the reminder of how useless he'd been thus far roughly pulled forth feelings he didn't want to be sorting out right now. _Recovering_. Sitting around doing nothing of importance. The pattern repeated here as it did back in Heliodor. While Hendrik would be out on his next mission of glory and fame, he was left behind, pouring over taxes and land sales for all he was worth. The thorn dug itself further, and he burned with anger. He wasn't in the mood to come up with witty banter, so he didn't answer Jade, nor touch his bowl. Rab answered for him.

"I don't think that's what's bothering him." Jade looked between Rab and him, before speaking again.

"Then, what is it?"

"..."

"Jasper."

"...it's not your concern."

"It is when it affects your health."

"Will you mind your own business? There's no need for you to know my every thought."

"Listen now." That was Rab. His voice was quiet and gentle, but it made Jasper wince more that Jade's forceful tone had. "If ye really don't wannae tell us, then alright. Ye know we only ask because we care, an' we want ye to be okay. Whatever it is, we'll at the very least try our best to understand." Rab had a way of reaching inside his mind, pulling- no, disentangling his thoughts and feelings into something coherent. More often than not, not even Jasper could make sense of those things, and they lived in _his_ head. Jade was a raging storm, pushing and pushing until something gave. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't Rab. He pushed and pulled and pushed and pulled, a tide on a beach coming in and coming out. A little at a time, the sand clouding his mind washed away, exposing the truth. And the truth...

"...I...don't...I can't eat this." His voice didn't sound like his. Brittle and weak, like blown glass stretched too thin. It's how he felt, too...like one wrong move, and he'd go to pieces.

"Oh? Why's that, laddie?" Rab's voice had gotten softer, warmer, in response. Like he knew he was a delicate ornament seconds from shattering. He probably did. Jasper's fingers gripped at his sleeves. His chest ached.

"...I've, this...these past few days, I have succeeded only in...I have earned nothing. I have not done anything worthwhile. You...you _and_ Jade brought me back from death, and cared for me when I was barely able to stay conscious for more than an hour at a time...and how do I repay you? By nearly getting myself killed again...by nearly drawing unnecessary attention to ourselves. By taking two hours to catch a single fish...only to lose it to some overgrown housecat. I'm supposed to be better than this, better than all this... _failure_ , and so, I cannot accept this food. Not until I can...repay you for all you've done." _Show you that I'm worthy to come home._ The face Rab and Jade made weighed his heart down, filling him with dread. He wished he'd never spoken up at all, and he almost jumped up with some excuse he wasn't feeling good, when they both stood up. He didn't know what he expected, but it certainly wasn't them coming over and sitting on either side of him (minding his untouched soup). Instinctually, he tried to shrink away, but stopped dead in his tracks as Jade put an arn on one shoulder, and Rab put a hand on the other. Both were warm...inviting. comforting. The invisible ache, a pain in his chest, melted away, soothed like finally scratching a stubborn itch he hadn't been able to reach. His eyes felt a bit wet as he looked at Rab, who looked back at him with a tenderness he hardly deserved.

"No one said ye had to earn anythin', or repay us for what we've down fer you. Whoever made ye think you have to earn a place, they're a liar an' a fool." And then, a worry carefully pulled out of him, healed into a jagged scar with his next words:

"Ye could belong here. If ye wanted." The lump in his throat rose, threatening to turn into tears, making his voice thick as he answered with emotion clouding his voice.

"...I do." Rab smiled at him, and Jade leaned close to him.

"Then so ye shall."

¤¤¤

Rab was holding a piece of paper out to him. Frowning, Jasper took it in the hand that wasn't sticky from the Puerto Valor cinnamon sweet he'd been scarfing down, and examined it. It was a folded letter, sealed with a simple wax seal, with no address. He looked from it to Rab.

"What's this?"

"Yer headin' off to Sniflheim, correct? Thought I'd write a little somethin' to King Gustav, seeing as we're ol' friends. Don't go snoopin' inside that letter now, it's for his eyes only!" Jasper rolled his own eyes, but slipped it safely in his bag, between the pages of a book he'd bought to pass the time on the boat to the icy kingdom.

"I would think you know me better than to assume I would examine the contents of a private letter."

"Maybe not, but he knows you love attracting trouble, so he's taking no chances." Jade had re-emerged from the crowd, sitting at their cafe table. She stopped him from retorting by handing him a ticket, which he looked at. The name stamped on it was for him, a one way to Sniflheim via a passenger ferry. It would be few days travel, but nothing he couldn't handle. Really, it would be paradise compared to the past week of getting rained on and jumped by monsters at every turn. The departure time listed was near dusk, and it was late afternoon. At least if he decided to pass the time in town before he left, nobody would raise a fuss. Either the news of him hadn't reached this far to the coast yet, or else simply changing his hair into a pleate convinced people he couldn't possibly be that knight of Heliodor that's supposed to be dead. Jade picked up the last cinnamon roll, something Jasper begrudgingly allowed.

"What are you going to do before you leave," she asked him. "You said you finished all your shopping. Do you have anything else that needs to be done?" Jasper ran through a mental checklist, finding every proverbial box ticked off. Still, he tried to conjure up anything else he could afford with the remaining spending gold he had left.

"No, but I could do a quick once over all the shops to see if there's anything I might've missed, anything I might need. There was an item's shop I never went into that caught my eye-" He was cut off by Jade elbowing his ribs, not hard but he still yelped in surprise. "-ouch, what!? You asked!" She just laughed at him, in that quiet way that wasn't unkind or malicious.

"Come on. If you don't have anything else you need, let's go down to the beach. The locals are having their annual new years festival. If the carnival games don't catch your attention...the fruit sandwiches will." He frowned at her, even as his appetite jumped at the mention of his favorite sweet.

"That's uncharacteristically relaxed for you, of all people, to suggest I willing partake in festival activities when we're on the search for answers to save Erdrea. You know I'm still wanted by Heliodor, even if it's my corpse they expect to find." At that moment, Rab chimed in, standing up from his chair. That look in his eyes was back, a sort of gentleness reserved for Jade that Jasper had noticed was being given to him as well. His heart stuttered, and he allowed Jade to pull him up from his seat too.

"Maybe not, lad. An' yes, maybe they are still lookin' fer you. But they aren't lookin' fer us, and it's quite a crowd out there. I think goin' is a wonderful idea. After all, it may be a while before we see ye again. Might as well make a memory to remember, aye?"

A fear, a crippling, gripping fear, of being left behind, of being forgotten by those he holds dear, goes quiet and starts to settle. It raises its blackened head, let's out a calming sigh, like a breath after tears, and melts into a loving embrace, one that lasts all afternoon, as Rab, Jade... _and him_ , play festival games, eat candied fruits, watch the sun set over the jeweled ocean, together. _Together_. A word, simple in its definition but great in its meaning, one he hadn't believed he'd ever have to call his own since he left Heliodor weeks ago. When dusk did arrive, and he was watching Jade and Rab get smaller and smaller on the dock, waving to him until the ferry rounded the shoreside cliffs and he could see them no more, he missed them more than he would have ever known. The sun set, casting his shadow long and taking away the light, but his light was greater, one that doesn't leave with the retiring day. His hand curled around his locket, tucked safely beneath his shirt, this time accompanied by something new. A wire flower, a green stone inlaid in the center, loosely attached to the chain from where he'd slipped it on. How he might have considered it a frivolous, cheap thing once, had it not come from Jade, who pressed it into his hands after winning it from a festival stall. Those two things, so small in the grand scale of the world yet so large in _his_ world, kept sheltered close to his beating heart like a constant reminder that he was alive. He didn't even know what he was going to do, what he was going to say, when he reached Sniflheim. But for once...that was okay. He held onto his old token of fealty, and his new symbol of hope, and breathed a sigh of content. He promised to bring Jade something when next they met, to "repay" her for the gift, an promise she kept him to. _"A knight's oath is his bond, afterall."_ The prospect of a "we'll meet again", instead a "goodbye", written with a wire flower and a promised gift. He smiled.

_See you soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jasper: hey yggdrasil if you care so much why didnt you help me more
> 
> yggdrasil: im a tree dipshit
> 
> Join us next week (more like two weeks later...with my update schedule), where I write a brief thing of Jasper in Sniflheim that slap the Time Skip button because I gotta get to the main plotline at some point. Time to ruin Eleven's life now.
> 
> Leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed, I know my update schedule is all over the place but I hope ya'll can stick with me even so. I never imagined so many people would be excited to read this, you guys are really what keep me going! You guys have my thanks :)
> 
> \- Psii


	8. Jasper Yells At The King of Sniflheim (Oops)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [*rises from the grave*] I LIIIIIIIVE
> 
> Only like. Kind of tho. I'm thankful for ya'll's patience I know I'm the worst when it comes to update schedule, but I promise this time the next chapter will be soon! I was actually outlining it to be apart of this chapter, but I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for too much longer so I'm splitting it up.
> 
> I also hope you can forgive me if Jasper seems out of character here. It's a little harder to write him interacting with characters I don't know as well, and I'm trying to make it appear he's softening a bit around the edges (no thanks to Rab and Jade). That's my excuse anyways.
> 
> Your comments always encourage me onwards, I hope this chapter meets your guy's expectations! A kudos wouldn't hurt either if you're new here too!
> 
> \- Psii

He knew the second he'd reached Sniflheim when the air changed from salty and warm to sharp and cold. As the boat pulled closer to the snow covered landscape, clouds had started to gather overhead, sprinkling the barest of snow down unto the sea. Many people on the ferry ooed and ahed, having likely never seen such a sight. For Jasper, it brought back a bittersweet sense of nostalgia.

He was maybe thirteen or fourteen when he got sent to Sniflheim. There, he poured himself into studying everything and anything he could get his hands on, even dedicating himself to the art of dark magic, a tricky and often hard to control brand of magic. His main tutor, a hardened older woman named Snoozi, was particularly tough on him, something he came to appreciate. He knew now that she was only so because she knew he had potential, potential that would be wasted had she not been there to press him to work more, work smarter. He fondly remembers the day he casted a full Zam in front of her, obliterating the piece of wood that served as his target. She had given him a small hum, and then a smirk, walking over while he held his breath, only to release it when she patted his head, saying, "Not bad." That was high praise coming from her, and it only got more complimentary as his magical abilities grew. Alas, it wasn't meant to last, as barely a year before he was set to leave, she was killed in a monster attack. They say she was downed protecting a woman and her child from a rampaging Spitzfire, awakening it accidently as the two attempting to find their way back to Sniflheim city from the frozen lake during a blistering storm. They survived, but at the cost of Snoozi's life. It was devastating, like losing his mother all over again, even as he was assured in that she did not die in vain. The last year of his education was over taken by a fellow researcher, Snorri, a man whom seemed to have a harder time handling his snippy attitude. Still, had it not been for him, Jasper might have never know about the existence of the Royal Library and the collection of knowledge contained within. The very same place he sought out now in his search for answers. Before he'd left, he'd vowed to her, that he would become the greatest knight Heliodor had ever seen, to honor her actions, the nobility to protect the innocent without a second thought.

He wondered what she would think of him now.

Shaking him out of his memories, the ferry's horn blew, and he looked up from where he'd been staring down at the waves. Through the mist and sleet, the docks to the frozen city was coming into view. Crew members and passengers alike were milling about with a renewed urgency, buzzing about like restless bees. Already, his nose was dry from the cold, and he hasn't even stepped off the boat. _Just as unforgivably cold as usual_ , he thought, checking to make sure he had not somehow left anything behind. Among his meager possessions, was the letter from Rab, still carefully tucked in the pages of his book. Satisfied that nothing was missing, he looked back up just as he felt a gentle thud, the slowing boat landing at the wooden pier. The crew had lowered the ramp and railings leading to the pier, but he waited until a significant amount of the people crowding the exit had departed before moving to leave himself, unwilling to be caught up in the crush. Shuffling off, he still felt the press of people all around him, only serving to remind him why he was never a fan of sailing via passenger ferry. It's not as if he'd had a lot of options of ocean transport, though. Traveling down the dock, he took in the view of the city gates as he approached. The towering walls loomed over him, stalwart and unchanged from the last time he was here. Long ago were they built to keep all manner of freezing winds and invading forces out, and they had yet to fail in their duty to protect Sniflheim. Stepping back through them was like returning home in a way, making him feel as if he should stop observing the scenery and get back to his magic class. Nobody paid him any mind, the anonymity now appreciated instead of once despised. He strolled up to the foundation at the center of the plaza, a spinning device that circulated heated water to prevent the fountain set into the stone from freezing over, and took the time to look up at the castle, piercing the gray clouds with its tallest spire. Inside, no doubt, was the king of Sniflheim, sat on his royal throne, maybe with his young daughter at his side. He could count the number of times he had seen the man on one hand, only encountering him when Heliodor was to host a Colloquy of Kings, and even then it was only when Gustaf himself showed up and not a scholar meant to represent. He'd never really spoken to him, and that made him hesitate now.

Truthfully, he had hoped to not talk to King Gustaf. And if Rab hadn't saddled him with letter-delivering, he probably wouldn't have bothered. Although Sniflheim was so far and away from Heliodor, and he doubted news of him could have reached Gustaf, Jasper didn't dismiss the possibility that he could be seized the second he took a step inside. Rab's letter was heavy in his bag, bearing a weight down unto him. He would have to speak with Gustaf to some capacity if he were to deliver the letter. Rab must've known that.

_...he wants me to tell him._

He clenched his fists, the cold sinking more pronouncably into his bones, like creeping dread. Jasper _had_ to tell him the truth. If anyone deserved to know, about the falsified identity of the king of Heliodor, it was King Gustaf. Relationships had been frosty (no pun intended, though he really wanted to strangle himself for even _thinking_ that) between Sniflheim and Heliodor, and he began to wonder now if he had known something was wrong. The man was sharp behind his benign looks. But surely, if he had noticed, he would've said something? To whom would he tell? _The Sultan?_ Unlikely, the man wouldn't know what to do with the information even _if_ he had the power to do something about it. _To 'Carnelian_ ' _?_ Even more unlikely, as well as foolish. Accusing a fellow king of something that couldn't even be proven without spoken confirmation (and even _then_ ) is a death sentence for the carefully made peace between their kingdoms. There is no surviving member of the Drasilian royal family, or at least any Gustaf knows about. The air stings his lungs, as Jasper breathes in a shuddering breath. _Even if he does know, there is NO one to tell._

Without really thinking, his mind still whirling, he began to move forward, towards the stone stairs of the castle. Wether or not Gustaf did or didn't know, he had to at least deliver Rab's letter. He'd...figure it out when he got inside, which was unlike him to go in without a plan, but if he stood outside any longer he'd be a statue frozen to the flagstones. Thankfully, there was still daylight despite the waning sun, meaning the king would still he accepting audiences from the populace. Unflinchingly, he marched up the icy steps and through the castle doors, stopping at the doors to the throne room and speaking to the two guards standing there about wishing an audience with the king. One of them nodded and told him to wait, slipping inside to speak with the king. He made some comments to him, but he couldn't hear them over the sound of his rapid pulse. Inside the castle, it was markedly warmer, bringing some color back to his cheeks, but doing nothing to thaw the ice in his chest from his increasing his nerves. Before he could lose his resolve, the guard that had left returned, geaturing him inside with a warning to not try anything funny. Walking in what he hoped was a casual pace, there was growing a lump in his throat, one he tried in vain to swallow as he ascended the stairs to the throne room landing. Had he still been in his white and gold armor, had his soliders with him, held the title of Jasper the renowned knight and tactician of the Heliodorian army, perhaps he would feel more assured. Maybe his hands wouldn't be threatening to tremble and his heart wouldn't be racing. But he didn't have those things. All he had was a letter, his name, and his courage. And so, wracked with uncertainty, he must press on. He tried not to make eye contact with the guards lining the circular floor as he passed, praying to any higher power they wouldn't recognize him. Seemingly, none of them did, a fact of which both relieved and irritated him, and he bowed carefully to the throne, getting a good look at the tall graying man seated there. King Gustaf, while not possessing a muscular physique, still cut an intimidating figure. He was tall, and there was an edge to his soft face. It reminded Jasper of razer sharp ice spires, extending upwards in a jagged peak. Frysabel was not at her father's side today, it would seem, since only the court's chancellor stood on Gustaf's left. The king looked down his long nose at Jasper, who felt his stomach turning a bit, feeling like prey being sized up. With a wave of a hand, he given permission to rise and to speak. So he did, trying to keep his voice as level and smooth as he could with his insides starting to tie into a big knot.

"Your Majesty. I thank you for granting me an audience. My name is Jasper, and I have a letter for you from someone wishing only to be known as 'an old friend', and to tell you something of utmost importance. It is, however, a delicate matter, meant for your ears only, as is the contents of the letter." He chose his words carefully. There were other eyes and ears in the room, guards and scholars alike, the high chancellor standing right there next to the throne, all with their attention focused on him. He kept his intentions close to his chest, hiding his hand, unwilling to reveal too much in the presence of so many. It seemed Gustaf had other plans, and with hardly a change in expression, he spoke, voice distant but not entirely cold.

"Jasper...knight and renowned general of Heliodor? Surely, whatever you have to say, along with the letter, could not simply have been delivered by hand of some messenger? It is a long way from home to be bringing such menial things personally." Gustaf was playing aggressively. He wanted to force him to show his hand. A little perturbed that he had been so easily recognized when all others hadn't even given him a second thought, but unwilling to back down, he made his move.

"I come to you not as Jasper of Heliodor, sire...but only as Jasper. This friend of yours, he asked me to deliver it to you directly, being that it's meant for you to see only. On the matter of what I need to tell you...I plead that I be allowed to speak to you alone. I bear this knowledge with nothing but my heart and soul." He wanted to say more, to try and arrange the conversation into an form that might placate the king, so that he could leave this quickly tensing atmosphere and retire to an inn room. As it was, it seemed the king wasn't content with his answers, because he spoke up again, cutting him off before he could start up again.

"I am sure whatever it is, it can be shared in the presence of the rest of my court. So please, if you would, hand over the letter and state your business." Emotions were a fickle thing, and all too often got in the way of negotiations. Jasper himself was prone to them, even when he didn't want to be. Like right now, where he was really tempted to blurt out something nasty to the king of Sniflheim, which he might well have and then gotten immediately removed from the castle if he had any less self-control. Instead, he felt his body tense, and he took in what he hoped was an inconspicuous calming breath. Perhaps he had...underestimated how hostile relationships had gotten between Heliodor and Sniflheim. While the later was content to remain neutral on the matter of the Darkspawn, seeing as it was just an unconfirmed rumor, it had not escaped Jasper's eye that letters to and from became scarce not even a year after the fall of Dundrasil, and Gustaf no longer spoke to Carnelian personally as often. For once, he cursed his notability as a knight, the lines tying him to Heliodor did not raise him above the common folk as it once did, and instead weighed him down, a ball and chain to his credibility to the court in current day.

"With no disrespect, your majesty...I must insist I speak with you alone. Bad intentions can hardly be verified with words alone, but I have nothing but when I say I wish no harm upon you, if that is what concerns-" This time, Gustaf interrupted him with a raised him mid-sentence, and unbiddingly, the prickly beast of anger awoke in his chest. He had almost managed to quell it, too, at least until he heard the king's next words:

"I suppose it is not important then, if it cannot be said here and now. Leave the letter with my guards, and be on your way."

'Not important.'

_He's brushing me off._

_'Not **important.'**_

The coiled beast in his chest, the one that has laid dormant, squirreling away inside his bones like vines from a seed that dug its way inside the day Dundrasil fell, rose its angry head. Its rage filled every part of him, making a familiar heat rise in his throat and cheeks, like a pot overflowing with hot water. Jasper's fists clenched, so hard he could feel his own nails digging into his palms, teeth grinding at some last ditch attempt to stop himself from bursting. It was in vain, the black thing boiling inside him exploding out, and he took a step forward, pointing accusatorily at Gustaf.

"'Not important?' _Not_ important?!" His voice was rising to a shout, prompting one or two of the guards to step forward to remove him from the throne room. Gustaf raised a hand up, presumably to stop them, something that only spurred Jasper on further.

"I did not go through Hell and back, just to get brushed off by _you_ , of all people, just because you think it's 'not important'!" He took another step forward, still pointing, and as well, Gustaf kept his hand up to halt the guards from approaching. Tension built in the room, thick and oppressive, weighing his shoulders down, threatening to stop his momentum. _Don't shout, don't shout, don't-_ He was far beyond rational thinking, and he knew it. Yet, the beast roared, and he felt his mouth pull into a furious snarl.

"I don't care what you think! You _will_ hear me when I say who you believe to be the king of Heliodor is not the man you once knew, and hasn't been since the fall of Dundrasil! You are being deceived, we all are!" A step forward. The hand that was pointing flew to his chest, and he could feel his own pounding heartbeat beneath his shirt. "I held my tongue for years- _years_ \- believing, believing that someday, I could bring the truth to light! That someday, I could be rid of the knowledge that the man I serve is not Carnelian, and that I could find the person the true king I knew and respected believed in with all his heart...the Luminary!" Jasper's eyes burned; with rage, with the beginnings of tears, he did not know. Like a dam bursting, all of the quiet anger, the suffering, the terrible anxiety, came flooding out with his words now. All those sleepless nights spent worrying and pondering what to do, who to tell or even if he _could_ tell, a horrible secret about the thing that had replaced his beloved king, those emotions came spilling out in a toxic pool. He wasn't yelling nearly as loud now, but it was enough to echo off the high ceiling and walls. "Dark shadows cloud over Heliodor, cloud over Erdrea, and it is no Darkspawn...it is that foul creature, the false king! If that isn't worthy of your precious royal time, then _you_ shall be among those to answer to when the world crumbles beneath us!!" Silence follows his outburst. Some part of him bounces around his chest like a caged bird, panicking and reprimanding him for blowing his one chance to make Gustaf understand the severity of the situation, and how badly he needed his help. He might as well turn right around and leave, but the king hasn't spoken, only sat there and looked at him with a neutral face. And Jasper stared back, having nothing more to say, his heavy breathing the only thing leaving his mouth. His skin crawled, his hands hurt from tensing so much, and his head was spinning with ways to save this. _There **is** no saving this. You ruined it, let your emotions get the better of you. Foolish...as if you stood a chance against-_

"Okay, you'll get your private audience." 

...huh?

"Huh?" He mirrored his own thoughts. In a flash, the fire of his sudden rage and boldness was gone, leaving him standing there confused and a bit put out. The king did not wait for him to catch up, and was already standing up from his throne and descending the steps. The knights muttering restlessly, similarly shocked, and the commander even stepped forward a bit as he passed.

"B-but, your Majesty, surely this is-" He fell silent when Gustaf waved his hand.

"Nonsense! I have already made up my mind. He is trustworthy, and even in the rare scenario he is not, we are only going to by private office. If it eases your mind, a guard can be placed twenty paces of the door, should I need to call for help." He looked at Jasper, still frozen to the spot with a bewildered expression. "Are you coming? Or have you changed your mind?"

"N-no! I mean...no, your Grace. I thank you for granting me my request." It took a minute to remember his manners. Thankfully, he did not stumble following the king out of the throne room, a miracle considering his feet had been rooted to the spot. His mind was spinning, but as he left the room, he could hardly complain. His hand reached up, and he gripped his necklace firmly, the familiar weight of his token of fealty and the wire flower easing his nerves. He passed whatever strange test Gustaf was trying to pull on him, the rest should be easy.

Should be, anyways.

"Go ahead and take a seat," said Gustaf, shaking Jasper out of his thoughts. He was standing at the open doorway to a well kept office, not dissimilar to Carnelian's in Heliodor castle. Stepping inside, he couldn't help be feel uneasy as he sat in the plush goosefeather cushion chair sitting across from the lavish seat behind the desk, where Gustaf sat not seconds later after closing the door. He leaned his staff against the desk, and folded his hands in front of him. Still trying to catch his mind up with everything happening, Jasper pulled out his book, and slipped Rab's letter out from between the pages, handing it over and saying, "Here is the letter. It's...from Rab- I mean...Lord Robert. He asked me to ensure only you read it." If he was surprised to here his once fellow king was alive, Gustaf didn't show it, only taking the letter and peeling it open while Jasper fiddled with his book.

"So he is alive, then. That is good to know." Unfolding it, he read in silence, making no comment or facial expression, making Jasper more nervous. It wasn't until he finished the letter did he crack a warm smile, and he chuckled low to himself, slipping the letter back into its envelope.

"Ah, good ol' Robert. It is nice to see age hasn't dwindled his wit or handwriting...though, his handwriting has always been dreadful." The smile soon faded, a serious frown replacing it, leaving Jasper unnerved by the total shift in under a second. "Now then...about what you know regarding King Carnelian. Would you care to enlighten me?" Keeping his composure, Jasper obliged, launching into explanation. He told Gustaf everything, about his lingering suspicion that only grew when time passed, his reasons for thinking so, the detail that finally led him to confronting Carnelian, and then...the confrontation itself. Almost half an hour must've passed before he'd finally said all that he could say...though at the end, he was light on the details of his escape from Heliodor castle, only saying, "I was forced to take my leave, lest I be murdered by the creature calling itself Carnelian for knowing too much. It was...not as clean of an escape as I would've liked it to be, but what matters is I got away in one piece. Not long after that, I happened upon Rab- um, Lord Robert. I told him what was going on as well, and he was kind enough to assist in helping me here. He wanted me to tell you about the situation regarding Carnelian...and I believe you deserved to know." Nevermind that he wasn't even going to talk to Gustaf in his original plan...

"I see. And...what are you expecting me to do about it? You must know relationships between Sniflheim and Heliodor are delicate as is, and we don't exactly have the military or the clout to sway opinion outside of our own citizens." Jasper might've reacted more strongly if he hadn't known all of that was true. Regardless of that, he answered truthfully.

"Well, nothing. I do know all of those things, and I couldn't ask that you put your kingdom's neck on the line when I already know so little. I still thought you deserved the truth, seeing as you've known the real Carnelian much longer than I have." Gustaf hummed thoughtfully. He was starting to think maybe the king had known more of what was going on than he thought. _Truly an intelligence to match even the ever clever Lord Robert._

"So then, what will you do now?" Jasper leaned back in his chair, sighing. He _did_ have a plan, but now, he wasn't so sure of himself. Gustaf had brought up several good points, what could a measly former general do against all the military force of Heliodor?

"I _was_ going to see if I could find any information on the monster that is impersonating Carnelian, preferably in the Royal Library. As I told you, he admitted to being behind the destruction of Dundrasil, as well as the destruction of Zwaardrust. It's possible then I might learn something about his nature by investigating any other incidents of mass monster attacks, or even that of any notable monsters that can mimic appearances in history." He was cut off by a yawn that threatened to surface. Sleeping on a crowded ferry hadn't been easy, and it must be nearly night by now. Blinking blearily, realizing just how tired he was, he said, "Excuse me. I'm grateful for being given the opportunity to speak to you, but I suppose I must be getting out of your hair now, and renting an inn room for however long I can afford-"

"Hold just a moment." Jasper's heart flew into his throat. Now what? Another test?? He didn't know what else Gustaf could want from him, but he stopped talking and listened.

"You do not have a place to stay, correct?"

"I...no, I don't."

"Then, why don't you stay here?" So caught off guard by that, he was quiet for a good long minute simply processing what Gustaf had said. When it did finally clicked, his response came out a little hesitant and unsure.

"Sire, I haven't the means to pay-"

"No need for pay, I am offering."

"But...but I wouldn't want to intrude-"

"You aren't, and again, I'm offering." Gustaf smiled at him. A cheeky, mischeivious one, but warm none the less. It reminded him of the coy little grin Rab might flash at him. "If Robert's letter reminded me of anything, it's that in dark times, we must all look out for each other. It would be my pleasure if you were to stay here in the castle while you do your research. I only ask that you keep my daughter Frysabel company. She does get so very lonely, cooped up in here with hardly anyone to talk to." His words brought a wave of comfort to him, relaxing the tension he didn't even remember he still had. That part of him that was coiled into an thorny mass, a growing pain since he first lept from the window sill at Heliodor, a growing anxiety of his uncertain future...was coaxed away, only ever so but soothed none the less, leaving him basking in the comfort of something warm and kind. He let out a stuttering breath, and smiled back.

"It would be my pleasure, my king."

Later, when a maid led him to a guest bedroom, and he settled down into the fresh cotton sheets, he identified the feeling, wrapping him up in a soft embrace: home. He felt like he was home. Cradling him tenderly, it lulled him to sleep, and for once in many nights, he dreamed of nothing but bliss.

¤¤¤

"Princess Frysabel. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Apologies for the sudden intrusion, I just haven't seen you all day. But um, Jasper, where are you going so late in the afternoon?"

"The Royal Library."

"Er...why?"

"Why else, princess? To read. Nothing in town has piqued my interest so far, and the library _is_ the whole reason I came here."

The princess of the snowy kingdom did not answer right away. She'd requested to come into his quarters, a request which he granted, only to see him seated on the floor polishing his swords. While he would have liked to do this in an armory so as not to stain the carpet with oil, he was short on time. Speaking of which...

"Do you have some kind of objection to me going? If you have something to say, just spit it out."

"I, erm..."

He didn't know why Frysabel was being so hesitant. Sure, the girl was as timid and quick to flee as the average metal slime, and maybe (just maybe) Jasper was a tiny bit unapproachable. But she was to be queen one day, so more confidence would be a necessary skill to develop before then. She was standing just off the side, wringing her hands and watching him carefully use an oiled rag to clean his freshly sharpened sword, the aurora blade he'd purchased back in the Puerto Valor before he left. The other, a platinum one, he had obtained not a day ago. He'd been meaning to commission a set of platinum blades, being rather fond of the matching pair left behind in Heliodor, but king Gustaf beat him to it. He'd gifted him a brand new platinum blade, and promised to deliver a second one to compliment his preferred method of duel wielding, despite Jasper's rampant protests that he couldn't possibly accept (if he recalled, Gustaf's exact response to his protesting had been: "Don't go getting your knickers in a twist, you aren't taking advantage of my hospitality by accepting things from me. You'd best stop worrying about paying people back and just appreciate the kindness, or you'll be grayer than me in a year! Kyeh heh heh!"). No doubt it was he who told Frysabel where Jasper was going. After all, the king only gotten him the sword the second he expressed a desire to scout out the library. He looked up at the princess, observing as she wrung her hands a bit more, then finally seeming to work up the courage to speak once he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, um...th-thing is, the library is...I don't think it would be a good idea to go there...there's monsters..." Jasper rolled his eyes.

"I know that. The journey to get there through the Snaerfelt isn't _that_ long, and besides, I'll be back later tonight. I'm only going to check out the place." Frysabel fiddled around a bit more, making his frown deepen. "Is that not what you are referring to?"

"No, actually...the truth is the library itself...is infested with monsters, and has been for a while. Nobody has been there since, and nobody knows what condition the place is in." The hand polishing his sword stopped. He looked at her, a mixture of incredulous disbelief seeping into his face.

"...what?" She let out a squeak, stepping back a little at his expression.

"The library is full of monsters...it's been like that for a few years now. They somehow got inside, and won't leave. Father did have knights sent out to clear the monsters, but, um...they just kept coming back. Eventually, it started to get too costly to continually send knights out to get rid of the monsters, so we stopped, since nobody really goes to the Royal Library anymore anyways...and it's been in whatever condition it's in now ever since." Something akin to anger and indignation churned in him, and he sheathed both of his swords with a click. Standing up, looking at her face to face, Frysabel visibly wilted a bit when he turned his fiery gaze upon her.

"So you're telling me you just let them invade and possibly destroy the mass collection of every important piece of information humanity has yet to learn on magic, society and history? The rise in monsters may an indisputable fact, but that doesn't excuse letting thousands of years of knowledge go to the dogs!" It wasn't fair to yell at Frysabel, it wasn't as if it was her fault. Maybe once, if he'd been the person he was before he met Rab and Jade, he'd have flown off the handle like he had a tendency to do. But he didn't have to be like that anymore. Instead of continuing to let his wrath drag him further, he turned away, took a deep breath, and started to put together a plan. _Rab would be thrilled to see me finally following his advice. Smug bastard._ If what Frysabel said was true, and there are monsters in the library, then there was only one thing to do about them. A bit more calm now, he pushed open the doors to his temporary quarters, stepping outside with the princess filing out as well to allow him to lock the doors behind them. As he did so, he spoke up, his tone much softer than before.

"My apologies, princess, for raising my voice. I will be going to the library, but expect me back before dinner. If I don't return by midnight, you may send someone out to find me. I doubt it will come to that, but I know you will worry your braids off if you don't do something." At his jest, Frysabel visibly relaxed, and put her hands on her hips indignantly.

"Honestly, I don't worry that much!" Jasper snorted, adjusting his bag containing medicinal herbs and magic water.

"I beg to differ," he said, walking away dismissively but sparing a glance over his shoulder to the princess. She had concern written all over her face despite her protests, concern that may only slightly have passed unto him. While he was perfectly confident in his own abilities, he had little to no information on what the monsters at the library were even like, only that they seemed particularly resilient to staying dead. Trying to shake away his thoughts, he pulled his coat tighter around himself as he stepped outside in the biting cold.

Judging from the map of the Snaerfelt he'd glanced at earlier, it'd be quite a hike to get to the library. Indeed, the second he'd left the city and stepped out into the untamed wilderness, the monster life was very prevalent, with all manner of creatures milling about. Most of them were perfectly content with minding their business, and he only needed to fight one very rowdy sabrecat that made a dash for him. Going deeper into the snowy landscape, the few monsters that even seemed remotely interested in him could be avoided or fought off without trouble. He was almost insulted Frysabel was worried for him if this was the "dangerous monsters" she'd talked about. Though, to give her some credit, not everyone has formal combat training, and is generally unbothered by the appearance of anything weaker than a grublin. And even if the opposition faced by the monsters wasn't stiff, the challenge posed by the terrain itself was really testing on his constitution. He might even admit to being a little winded when he finally crossed the icy bridge connecting one cliff face to the other, where the stone library sat stoically towering above the surrounding landscape. Taking the time to calm himself for whatever might be inside, he unsheathed his swords, and pushed open the doors.

¤¤¤

"Princess."

"Ah, Jasper! You're back already!"

"Yes...I have had a look around, and decided that the library is safe enough for me to return to."

"Oh, um, that's good..."

"..."

"..."

"...will you be joining father and I for dinner?"

"I will be...after I've had a bath. Expect me in fifteen minutes."

Later, while he sat and ate with Gustaf and Frysabel, he avoided mentioning that at the sight of the scattered books and dirty monster tracks everywhere in the library, his vision went red and he massacred a good number of the sham hatwitches and other creatures on the first floor, after which he demanded, "This library better be spotless by the time I return tomorrow, or I'll make all of you into ham sandwiches!!"

No, it was probably best he didn't mentioned that part.

¤¤¤

When Jasper does make his promised return to the library early the next day, what he's not expecting to see is floors free of books and loose papers, instead returned to their places on the empty bookshelves. It was still a bit disorganized, but he observes with disbelief as the sham hatwitches seem to be responsible for the clean up, because two of them were snuffling and magically levitating the last of the books unto a shelf. The door to the library swung shut, which alerted them to his presence, as they turned around and spotted him. Visibly bristling, they scattered, and he watched most if not all of the remaining monsters disappear behind fallen rubble and the wooden reception desk. Stepping further inside, he could see most of the dirt that had been tracked inside had been swept away, and all the books had been put back on the shelves they fell from. Likely, they were no longer organized, but that wasn't any issue. His heart squirmed a little, suddenly feeling rather guilty for needlessly murdering a bunch of them if they had been conscious enough to understand him- no, no, what was he thinking?? Small they may be, they were still _monsters_ , lurking in the shadows everywhere, responsible for taking and ruining lives everywhere.

_Including his._

Grumbling a little, he sheathed his swords seeing as the hatwitches had no interest in fighting, and started to set up a spot to work. Admittedly a slow going plan, he was going to read every title of every book on this bottom floor, and stack the ones that seemed the most relevant to his current search in neat little rows. Then...the reading. It didn't escape him that he could very well be here for weeks and he wouldn't have anything to show for it. But that couldn't stop him. Jade and Rab were out there, scouring the world for a trace of some greater evil, the Luminary was alive and still needing to be found. Carnelian...he chose to believe the real Carnelian was out there, somewhere, and he just needed to find a way to rescue him. Hendrik...

_Hendrik._

...so many people were counting on him now. Once, he had been jealous of his old friend, the shining boy of Heliodor, swooping in to aid those in need from all manner of villains. He'd wished it had been him, that he was the hero people looked to, that people praised. He wanted to be that light. He still thought it about it sometimes now, even when there was no possibility of that dream becoming a reality. The oppressive atmosphere of the hundreds of book spiraling high above him, each one only the smallest chance of having the information he needed, and with so many lives he couldn't afford to let down balanced on his shoulders. Crushed by those who need him, by those he had to protect. He wondered if this is how he felt, everyday, standing stoically in his black armor while the weight of the world threatened to make him fall. Suddenly, he found he wasn't so envious of Hendrik after all.

So lost in his own thoughts was he that he didn't even notice the blue colored thing by his feet, and when he shuffled sideways along the shelf, he stepped right in something cold and...slimy? He would've just chalked it up to mystery monster slime, if it hadn't squeaked, "Ouch!!" loudly, making him yelp and stumble backwards while shaking his foot. It flew off his boot and splattered on the ground, reforming a second later into a familiar teardrop shape. A...slime??

"My apologises, didn't see you there," he said, instinctively. _Oh wait, it probably doesn't understand me-_

"No problem, gooman! I know I'm a bit hard to see from up there!" Jasper froze, a little incredulous. Did...did it just- "Don't worry, I'm not a bad slime! I'm Oozebert, goo are you?"

...okay, the slime talks. He shouldn't give it his time of day, really. He has more important things to be doing. But he finds himself answering, "I'm Jasper. A pleasure," anyways. Perhaps it's that good old noble upbringing telling him he had to return the courtesy, even to a slime. Speaking of the slime, it was bouncing around skittishly (could slimes be skittish?), and was looking everywhere but him, as if it expected Jasper to draw his sword and strike it- oh.

"Listen, listen! We're real sorry for the mess! We cleaned it all up, just like you said, and we gooromise to not get in your way!" The over usage of the word 'goo' and goo related sounds aside...it seemed perfectly civil. That was starting to make him feel all the worse for killing so many of the hatwitches, even as some higher part of his brain screamed that these were monsters and he shouldn't feel sorry.

"It's...okay..." he said, a little haltingly, then with more confidence, "...as long as you don't get in the way of my work, you all can stay, and I will endeavor not to kill you." The slime- what did it say its name was- Oozebert nodded vigorously. At least, he thinks he did, it didn't really have a definable head to nod.

"Of course! Ooo, and if you want to goo to the upper floors, you can ooze the gooreen switches you see!" It bounced around, clearly wanting to leave at soon as possible. "Anyways, I'll get gooing, see you!" Before he could say anything, it hopped away, scrambling to hide along with the other monsters. Once, Jasper would have taken pride in making any and all monsters scatter when they saw him. But seeing them there, cowering in the darkness away from him...unbiddingly, he remembers being in the darkness of the great shadow of the false Carnelian. And how fearful he'd felt. _Casted in shadow, hm?_ He thinks, and not even for the first time...these monsters are not so unlike him afterall. Despite its insistence on getting away, he can still see Oozebert peaking at him from behind the wooden reception desk, curious and tentative. Something tender blooms, sympathetic and gentle in his chest, chasing away the prickly thorns that had taken root. A soft sort of fondness. He lowers his eyes to the book he was still holding, one about ancient kingdoms, and pretends not to notice some of the sham hatwitches coming closer, watching him read. When eventually he has to sit because his legs grow weary of standing, he pretends to read aloud only for himself. With how many books there are in the library, he'll likely be here for quite a long time.

May as well get used to the company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll don't mind me inserting a bunch of 'Jasper, friend of monsters' stuff in here. He said it himself, that he relates more to monsters than his own kind, he's just realizing it in a different way here. As a side note, a friend and I were talking about monster masters in Dragon Quest and I wish you could play as that, that sounds so rad.
> 
> Anyways I'm thinking the next chapter will he out sometimes next week? Assuming my lazy ass doesn't die from work or other projects. We'll see I guess.
> 
> \- Psii


	9. Jasper Goes Insane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, actually meant for this chapter to be way longer, but because of what I want the next chapter to be, it made more sense to end this one where I did! Hopefully I can get the next chapter out to you guys soon, since I wanna start diving into actual in game Act 1 stuff as soon as possible.
> 
> To all of you who comment on every chapter I post, I LOVE YOU SM...I don't think I could continue this without your support! I never get tired of reading your comments, so never feel like you're being repetive or annoying by saying what you liked about the chapter! Ya'll keep me going ♡♡♡
> 
> That being said, hope you like this one, and as always, please leave a comment or kudos or both to let me know how you're liking the story so far!
> 
> \- Psii

Five months.

It's been five months, which he only knows because last week, the Sniflheimer townsfolk celebrated the summer solstice festival, a festival that he attended with Frysabel. Five whole months, and he's found... _nothing._

Granted, it's not like Jasper expected a breakthrough immediately. But to go this long, scouring bookshelf to bookshelf, book to book, page by page, and find not even a scrap of anything remotely useful? It was agonizing, dying a slow death of dwindling determination. A lack in progress quickly encourages feelings of hopelessness and doubt in one's abilities.

He would know.

The first month was easy. Blind optimism had still coursed through him, driving him onwards to a greater purpose, like wings propelling him upwards in the sky. He didn't even need to fear for his own safety from the monsters. The ones on the first floor, the hatwitches, were harmless. They were more afraid of him than he was worried about them, and they steered clear whenever he wanted to be left alone. Really, they treated him like part of the decor more than anything, doing their strange little rituals while he sat on the floor not five feet away. No, they weren't a threat to him. The monsters on the higher levels Jasper had been...not afraid of, just apprehensive about. A wrecktor, for example, was a lot more unpredictable. Just in case, he'd carefully studied the habits and mannerisms of all the monsters he could observe from the lower floors before daring to travel upwards. The professauruses, the shadows, the living statues...all of them. And, when he finally did ascend upwards, having wrung the first floor shelves of every bit of relevant information as he could and seeking new conquests...his cautiousness went unrewarded. They didn't jump to attack him. In fact...most of them turned tail and ran. He didn't understand at first, not until Oozebert helpfully reminded him that they saw and heard him execute a number of monsters on the first floor...including the few hunter mechs that had gotten inside, which according to him, "Noo self-respecting orgoonic monster wants to oozociate with those spazzy hunks of junk, let alone fight them!" That was bold talk, coming from a _slime_ , though he supposed the hatwitches had been a little overly eager to reconnect with him even after he cut many of them into purple mist, so perhaps they weren't too fond of those robot monstrosities either. No monster on the higher floors was keen on becoming besties, but they left him alone while he gathered books to read, which he was perfectly happy with. Undisturbed, he read, scanning every spine, leafing through every page, staying awake so long his eyes burned and words turned into such jumbled messes, he had to sleep to have any hope of untangling them. For days. For weeks. 

For months.

He can't remember when's the last time he's seen the sun. There were no windows in the library, and he either arrived early in the morning before the sun peeked its light above the frozen mountains, or departed after it had already long left the sky. And that's on the occasion he actually left the library and returned to Sniflheim, something he tried to do at least bi-weekly so as to show Frysabel and Gustaf that he wasn't laying dead or injured in this dingy tower. Contrary to popular belief- that belief no doubt being based on his pale skin tone- he actually quite liked the sun. His favorite vacation destination wouldn't be Puerto Valor had that not been the case, as he wasn't there for the casino, and their excellent specialty cinnamon desserts was but a bonus. Sniflheim was the polar opposite to those luxurious beaches. He did not even necessarily dislike the place, and yet he was growing increasingly weary of the constant clouds hiding the sky, and the ever present cold seeping into his joints, making him feel in his seventies rather than his thirties. Or maybe, he should camp out more responsibly in the library and stop reading until he fell asleep on the icy stone floor. That could be the reason for his creaky bones too. Fortunately for his developing arthritis, he'd been playing around with the gooreen- the _green_ switches one day, and he discovered an acclove of some sort, a secret carefully tucked behind the shelves. There was a fire burning inside, one started who knows how long ago that had traces of being magically enchanted to burn until purposefully put out, and a desk with a chair set right in front of the fireplace. A towering statue, one that reminded Jasper of the ones he saw in books about Zwaardrust relics, stood passively above the hearth, and lining the walls, was all manner of ancient tomes gathering dust. While looking rather promising, he hadn't finished with the second floor when he'd originally discovered this room, so he left it be. At least, he left the books alone. Seeing as the room was cozily warm instead the frigid coldness of the surrounding library, and there was a desk he could read and take notes on so he could stop sitting hunched over on the floor, he started to do his research in here. Slowly, more items were brought, starting with a cot to keep him off the cold floor and a fur skin to keep him warm while he slept. When Gustaf gifted him his second platinum sword, he kept polishing oil and a nice whetstone in one corner, wanting to maintain his two blades in case those damned hunter mechs came back. A different corner became dedicated to keeping food and eating, since he made the mistake of eating at his desk, and he nearly ruined a book by knocking his drink chalice with a careless elbow. He even found a way to reseal and reopen the room from inside without trapping himself so he could shut out the loud chattering of the professaurus that liked to teach right outside. Surely, this room was meant simply to be a temporary place of study, yet it has turned into a semi-permanent residence for Jasper. Frysabel was adamant about him coming "home" (and admittedly, he felt his heart shoot up into his throat when she first worded it like that to him), so the room at the castle he was given still remained "his" room when he was there to spend time with her or to speak with the king. Regardless, if he wasn't already considered a permanent resident to the library, the simple fact that the monsters even on the higher levels no longer paid him any mind, neither fearful or aggressive, proved he's practically another shadow lingering in these halls. The welcoming feeling of returning to a home, an ancient instinct of safety and comfort, rises whenever he steps foot in this lonely place. The castle raises its arms to greet him, but the library wraps him in an embrace. He feels like he belongs, among the shelves, among the books, among the creatures housed within. When had that happened, he wondered, and why. Was it because he craved to belong, after his place in Heliodor felt so cruelly ripped away from him? Was it when he discovered the hidden room, and made a den to curl up in? Was it when he began to look forward to returning after visiting Sniflheim city, because the hatwitches crowded at his feet and Oozebert chirped, "Welcome back, Jasper!"

_A smile, warm with care and bright like a star, crinkling the corners of his beautiful eyes, the color of the sea. Voice like honey, sweet and soft, golden as the fields of wheat from his once thriving home. 'Welcome back, Jasper. Welcome home.'_

...

...

_...I must be going insane._

¤¤¤

Down on the first level of the library, he hears the doors open, the sound of footsteps rousing Jasper from deep in his thoughts. Not a monster then. Could be a Sniflheim knight sent to check up on him, or sent with supplies; the princess does like to worry. Pushing himself away from the desk, he heard several of his bones crack as he stood and stretched, a low groan escaping him. He must've been frozen leaned over for quite a while, lost in his mind, because his back protested when he uncurled out of the shape his spine had molded into. Someone was calling to him, but he couldn't hear who, since the door to the room was closed. Grumbling a little at being interrupted, he made his way out and down the steps to the entrance, calling nonchalantly, "I hear you! I'm not dead, I'm coming..." Maybe he ought to get some fresh air anyways. It might soothe the worsening knot in his chest, the one causing the tangle in his head as well. Those wings he once flew with, sending him upwards towards his lofty ambitions, high like the sun...they had proven themselves to be made of wax. They melted, over the course of these five months, and he was falling, plummeting back to the ground. If he hit the ground...if he was crushed all over again...

Turning the corner of the first floor staircase, he stopped when the person he least expected to see sauntered right up to him. King Gustaf, in all his gray radiance, smiled down at him. At a loss for words, Jasper could only listen as he spoke, calm and purposeful as always.

"Good evening, Jasper. I am glad to see that you are still alive." Was it evening already? _So much for getting some sun._ Time was elusive in a place where no hint of sky shows. Glancing behind the king, there were no familiar violet clad knights standing nearby. Sensing his confusion, Gustaf addressed his thoughts. "I did not make the journey here alone, if that is what concerns you. The soliders that accompanied me are waiting outside. As it stands, I'm just here to speak with you about a letter I received. I thought I might come and check up on you as well." Jasper felt his heart drop a tad. A letter? From whom?? It couldn't be from...no, why would it. _It's not like he would even have a reason to believe I'm here, let alone alive..._ He was just about to ask about the subject matter, when Gustaf let out a low chuckle, looking down at his feet. When he looked down too, a jolt ran through him as he saw one of the hatwitches snuffling curiously and pattering around the edge of the king's orange robe. Letting out a rather undignified yelp, Jasper carefully but quickly scooped up the creature, relocating it away and blurting, "My sincerest apologies, your Grace! They mean no harm, I just haven't, um...found the time to dispose of them, what with my studies and all..." The hatwitch in question just waddled off towards the bookshelves, where its fellows were huddled up. They were all peeking out with interest at the new strange human in their library, and Jasper gave them a stern glare, to which they lowered their hats over their faces and scooted back into hiding, more scolded than intimidated. Behind him, Gustaf merely laughed, and Jasper turned back to face him.

"Do not worry. I don't plan to have you hung for treason, simply because you chose not to kill a few harmless monsters. _Especially_ ones that only seem interested in being read to." Jasper blinked, then felt a hot flush redden his cheeks.

"How did you-..."

"A knight that came to deliver supplies mentioned it off-handedly to me when I inquired about you. I must say, I'm actually quite impressed! If I'd have known you were so adept at reigning in monsters, I would've sent for you sooner, kyeh heh heh!" He clenched his teeth a little, looking away from the king. _Damn that little traitor. If I see him again, I'm going to give him the lashing of a century._ Eager to change the subject, he spoke up.

"About this letter...is it for me, or does it simply concern me?" Gustaf hummed thoughtfully, and Jasper looked in time to see him pull out a piece of thick expensive parchment, which he held out to him. He took it, and immediately recognized the unique color. Slightly brown, more earthy than yellow, as it's made from local flora that grows in the nutrient-dense Manglegrove. It was from Heliodor. He skimmed over it looking for the relevant suject matter, and Gustaf piped up to explain while he read.

"It is, as I'm sure you can see, from 'King Carnelian'. I was surprised, to say the least, since I hardly recieve letters from him nowadays. But more interestingly, he mentions that a 'well-reknowned knight' has 'turned traitorous', and he asked for me to send him a reply with anything I might know about him." Here, Gustaf shrugged, and smiled coyly. "Can't say I've ever heard of the man, but from the sounds of it, he has Carnelian quite on edge! Like he's worried he knows something that could harm the shining king of Heliodor." Contrary to his jovial mood, Jasper frowned. So the real identity of the creature was important enough for it to be worried about someone knowing about it. The knot in him grew tighter, and he glanced about at all the shelves he'd read, only to have nothing to show for it. His voice was shaky, at best, when he answered, "I...I see." Sensing his mood, Gustaf's smile softened some, and his eyes scanned over him, taking the sight in. Without warning, he placed a hand on Jasper's shoulder, making him jump a little. He looked up at the king inquisitively.

"Your Majesty?"

"I meant only that the work you are doing is important, not that you should be further along in it than you are. I'm not to expect more from you than you can give. The fact you are here is because you are doing _something_ , and there's nothing else I or anyone can ask of you." Gustaf spoke gently, reassuringly, a lot like how Rab did when he reached into the most complex parts of Jasper that threatened to choke him, and smoothed out the wrinkles of worry. It is no surprise, then, that he knew exactly what was tearing him up, and with a few well placed words, he undid the tangle inside him. Gustaf's hand moved from his shoulder, and he felt it pat the top of his head.

"Quite the worry wart, aren't you! And here, I thought you were calm and cool-headed this entire time! How cute." Jasper grumbled low, blush darkening and tone coming out more of a pout than the serious inflection he meant it to have.

"I would be a fool had I not been! And I don't care if it takes me the rest of my life, I _will_ find something here! Mark my words." A familiar air began to settle over the two of them, now that Gustaf has spoken freely, and Jasper found that he could relax a small amount. It doesn't escape him that the distance between them might have been his own making...a blunder made on several other occasions, with several other people. No one, not even Hendrik, could convince him to fully remove that space and bare his soul, too afraid of what could happen if he did...not until Rab and Jade, that is. Now, living amongst the frigid library, eating dinners with Frysabel and Gustaf...maybe, he could learn to close the distance with others. When he finally waved Gustaf off after talking for well over an hour, he crouched down to the hatwitches that crowded around him. After a few minutes, he reached a hand out, and petted one of them where he hadn't dared before. It squealed happily, and the other came closer, eager to be pet too. In that moment, Jasper made a promise, that no matter what, he would find a way to defeat the fake Carnelian. If not between the books of this library, then with the Luminary still out there. He promised, so that he could learn, learn to close the distance between him and others, just as he did with these monsters. _Just as I want to do with him..._ Standing, he breathed carefully, calmingly, and steeled himself. If he couldn't find answers doing the conventional...then he'll just have to come up with something unorthodox.

_I will find out who you are, and defeat you, false king._

_By any means necessary._

¤¤¤

"Excuse me, princess. Can I pass?"

"Oh, Jasper! Of course, I'm sorry, I was lost in my...in my, um...thoughts...."

"...what?"

"N-nothing! Well, actually something, just...where are you going dressed like... _that?_ "

"...it is what it looks like, princess."

"...I...see." Jasper could see she wanted to say more, but his mind was already made up, as was his outfit: a fur-lined coat, accompanied by a band with horns on his head, and a long fluffy scarf tied at his waist and trailing down behind to be some proxy of a tail. Frysabel was still wringing her hands, wanting to ask seeming afraid to, so he turned to her and answered anyways.

"The other day, I was sitting amongst the shelves, when a professaurus- these dragons that fancy themselves teachers- came right up to me and started attempting to instruct me. Normally, it would never approach me like that, but I suppose it had gotten used to my presence in the library, and momentarily confused me for a monster." Jasper crossed his arms, remembering the incident with a mixture if annoyance and amusement. "Of course, I had no time for it's meaningless trivia. But...it mentioned something of interest. Something about a being called the 'Lord of Shadows'. Never had I heard the name before...and I found nothing of the sort in all my research thus far. I made the mistake of standing up and asking about it. The overgrown lizard realized I wasn't a monster and ran away...which brings me to my plan now." It seemed to be clicking with Frysabel now, who's face began to change into one of understanding. There was something else in there too, something that only grew as he spoke. Whatever emotion it was, he couldn't decipher it, so he just continued on with his explanation.

"I tried to track down that particular professaurus, but they all look the same, and that little bastard must have warned all of his friends. They kept going on about how they 'only teach monsters', so fine I thought, I can play their game. They like to give trivia seminars around midday, and they take questions during said seminars. If I just plant myself among the other monsters, then there's a high chance I could get the same situation to repeat. It may not be the most convincing disguise, but if I just let my hair down, and I spend a little time with the other monsters, I won't smell human. I could trick them into answering my questions about this 'Lord of Shadows', perhaps learning where he's from, what kind of monster he is, if he even is a monster at all, anything I could use to further my...my...research..." He trailed off, running out of steam, as he examined Frysabel's face. Becoming clearer by the second, but a palpable furrow of the brow and biting of the lip. Confusion? Concern? _She was concerned._ It can't be for his safety, she knows as well as he does the monsters in the library are no threat. So then, it had to do with his plan or it's execution. In his mind, he review every statement, meticulously turning over every bit and examining it with careful scrutiny. Perhaps the costume was a bit ramshackle and there was no guarantee it would even work, but surely, _surely_ , this was bound to turn upsomething, with enough time...and effort...and yet, when Jasper stopped and picked apart his own logic, the truth became clearer than ever...

"Oh...no..." Frysabel blinked, tilting her head.

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"I...I'm..." It was sinking in now, hitting him like a visor kaiser on a war path.

_I AM going insane._

"...I've lost my mind." He repeated the general sentiment of his thoughts aloud, a mixture of horror and incredulity dawning upon his face. Frysabel clearly noticed, because she waved her hands frantically, attempting a shaky smile, only partially disguising her earlier expression.

"No no! I think, I think it's quite an inventive idea, I was just confused at first! Father always encouraged out of the box thinking!" She was just trying to spare his feelings, worse then if she'd simply told him it was all delusional. This, the dressing up as a monster in some vain hope to glean information about a greater evil from a random monster he might never even find again? That's something only a _crazy person_ would do. If the Jasper from when he first arrived to Sniflheim heard this plan, he would've dismissed it as the ramblings of a lunatic. Only, it's been nearly a year since he first came to Sniflheim and started living in the isolated library full time, and he was the lunatic in question. Was this what happened if one spent too long with only the company of creatures not of the human species? He was so confident just up until he realized how mad he sounded, now he was adrift with whatever determination he had bled out of him like sap tapped out of a tree. Grumbling, he pulled his coat tighter around himself, not looking at Frysabel. He didn't want to see the emotions on her face anymore.

"You need not try and comfort me, princess. You are right to be worried. It seems I have...I have perhaps lost my grip. On myself, on my goals...this is no time to be coming up with foolishly outlandish schemes."

"Jasper..." Her voice was soft, gentle. He wanted to stop talking, to patch the tear ripped into his consciousness that was spilling his insecurities, but he couldn't. In learning to be more open about his feelings, the steel thread made of his own fears about what would happen should he bear his insides grew weaker, his tongue looser. And so he continues, grip tightening on his sleeves, still refusing to look at Frysabel.

"I apologize for causing you undue concern. I shall stay in the castle a bit longer, if that is acceptable with you and the king."

"Jasper-"

"It would seem I must regain some connections with people...rather than spending all my time buried in books and only enjoying the company of those I don't belong with-"

"Jasper!!" Shocked out of his stupor, he looked at Frysabel instinctively, sentence trailing off as he did. Her face was fiery, very unlike her usual self, but it quickly melted into something more tender. She reached out, hesitatingly, giving him enough time to pull away if he wished, which he didn't. He settled into her touch, where it rested on his arm, feeling the comforting pressure even under his thick sleeve. It said more than words could ever define, but she spoke anyways, to make herself entirely heard.

"Listen to me. If I made you feel like you were somehow in the wrong, then I apologize. I was concerned, I will not lie...but I am always concerned for you." She stepped closer, smile becoming genuine, brighter. "You are working so hard, harder than anyone I've ever seen. The confidence of which you make decisions and stick with them inspires me, the determination that drives you onward, I admire. I was worried that the same drive I saw in you just now...that it was crushing you. That it was stretching you thin, and you were continuing onward out of a sense of duty to find out the truth. I meant what I said, about your plan. I think you should do it. And if you still want to stay in the castle for a bit before going, we would be delighted to have you." The warmth of her bared emotion seeped into him, becoming a new thread, mending the tears in his soul. He relaxed, unfreezing from the tension his body held. In response, he managed a smile of his own.

"Now you're starting to sound like a real queen. Maybe next week, we could maraude around wearing monster costumes in a campaign to improve monster-human relations! It would be fantastic practice for dealing with those barbaric Vikings." Frysabel's face turned into a pout, and she pushed him huffily.

"Oh, quiet, you! Sometimes, you're worse than father with your teasing! I swear you two could be related with how much you take after him in that aspect..." As she speaks, he decides to stay, just a bit longer before he left for the library again. The castle wraps its arms around him, finally, and he settles into the feeling of home. How strange, in but a year, Jasper found so many places and people and creatures that welcomed him in, that understood him; that he could look at and know he belongs. Later, Frysabel got her revenge for his wise cracking when he forgot to take his fake horns off before going to dinner with her and Gustaf, something she did not point out on purpose until Gustaf affectionately asked if he was looking the part of a demon to go with his 'deviled attitude', making the princess break into fervent laughter and Jasper go red in the face. Later still, when he returned to the library and only half-succeeded in learning about the 'Lord of Shadows', being told he had a hand in the fall of Nhou What, he couldn't feel mortified at the absurbness of it all. The professaurus had scattered a second time, realizing his very human identity, and he remembered Frysabel's laughing face and Gustaf's amused smile, annoyance at the failed experiment melting away into light bemusement.

He might've traded his dignity as a knight. But he earned something better: a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rab and Gustaf: Free son??? Free son!!!  
> Jade and Frysabel: Free brother??? Free brother!!!
> 
> Also see me out here like: [*very non-subtly pushes my Monster Master Jasper agenda*]
> 
> Look I'm just saying if he's all like "I felt like I could connect with monsters better than humans" then like...bud maybe ur a modern day monster master...just a thought.
> 
> Anyways, I'll try to have the next chapter out to ya'll soon, I know I say this everytime but I actually have an outline this time! So hopefully I can keep my promise on 'soon'.
> 
> \- Psii


End file.
